I Think is on the decline which is leading to a lot of the unhappiness in the world I Believe the quickest path to happiness is attention is the number one asset. Oh hello Gary Good to see you! Thank you so much so much for being here. This podcast exists because of you and it's all about teaching people how to stand in their confidence. So I'd like to ask you, uh, confidence to me I Love the definition.

It's a Latin definition. It stands for self trust. So how have you been able to create such an amazing trust in yourself and belief and confidence? And how did your upbringing in your family and your mom and your beautiful Community as a child help you do that? That's a great question. First of all, thank you for having me on the podcast.

Love, You know I Think about this a lot because I think I really do see the world through the lens of confidence versus insecurity. and I believe most of the pain and the hurt and the anger and the Darkness in our Society is completely based on insecurity. I think about it a lot I I Define it in a couple quick ways. I I Think first and foremost I Do believe there's a heavy part of the DNA that you're born with that is a variable.

Now when I say that I don't mean that if somebody's born, if they're both confident, not confident one is one isn't that they can't be a different version of themselves. But I do believe DNA is a factor I Think parenting is a major factor. Yes, now this is where in modern times, especially the last 20 years, we've lost our way. I think a lot of modern parents believe telling their kids to great at everything leads to confidence.

and I think we've overcorrected. You know we came from the era of where your parents didn't tell you they loved you right? Like the six people talk about that. And now we're in an era where people tell you could do anything and the kid knows they can't and we've got to find the middle. Yeah, yeah, my mom was incredibly influential, you know I speak about that a lot.

Yeah, yeah. and what she did well was she found the middle. You know, in a world of black and white, she found the gray in a world of blue and red. in politics, she found the purple.

She made me feel good, but what she didn't do was manipulate. Merit When I struck out in a baseball game and tried to say that it was the sun was in my eye as an excuse. Yeah, she wouldn't support that. She always knew that I would make it, but she still punished me for bad grades.

Yeah, so she say you're going to make it and taught me that there wasn't ramifications for mailing it in. So in her grounding of me, she was teaching me that things have consequences but they don't Define you She was finding the middle beautiful the way I Think about confidence has a lot to do with risk and executing on risk. This is why I'm very upset about eighth place trophies I Believe that we tell everybody that games don't matter. then we're confusing them.

That's not how nature works I think I have a lot of confidence because I failed a lot. Yes I got comfortable with failing I Think a lot of people struggle with confidence because they got straight A's yeah, yeah, they always were attractive. They they didn't have as much adversity in their youth and they don't realize this is actually very powerful I Don't think I've ever articulated this. I Don't think people realize that are good at everything in their youth, that they actually were using their fear to stay away from things that they weren't going to be naturally good at.

Yes, oh my. God I See a lot of kids avoiding competition because they don't want to lose. So they get to say they're good at everything. but they're actually just good at a couple things.

they don't try. everything they don't try most things. I Think what? I think about confidence I Think it becomes very grounded in a relationship of losing. Give me the I've never heard that.

give me the La ter. What's the definition for confidence? It's F and it's like Confian. like in Spanish Confian is Trust yes, trusting yourself and so I share that because then I'm like you don't have to say I'm not confident or I am I'm like do you trust yourself Do you know why I trust myself blindly predominantly because I know how I act when I lose. that's so good I Love you? You understand Yeah I don't trust myself based on when I win.

That's easy I believe that there is an incredible incredible correlation to one's relationship with losing and their come confidence. Do you feel like that your mom and your upbringing helped you with the humility because I will say when I met you in Melbourne and every time I've seen you like you're just humble, you've stayed the same person. you're kind, you're caring, you're loving, you, take photos with people like you're just so kind and H humble and I feel like it's a trait that not a lot of people have and you have it. Do you feel like that supported you as well with the humility side of things you know I appreciate you saying that and I think humility comes from the losing I Don't think I'm special because I've tasted losing so much and this goes back to what I think is the ingredients of confidence.

Trusting yourself is knowing you're good during bad times I Feel like I always say I'm a wartime General like I'm at my best when it's bad. Yeah, yeah, oh, that's so good. Your message, right is always about the empathy and the compassion and it's such a message that the world needs I think it's always needed it. but from when I was following you in 2017 to now it's like it's Amplified from from your end which is beautiful because it's needed.

Have you done any like personal work, coaching, therapy, personal development like to develop you. the person you Gary the man, the dad, the person um and how important do you think it is like self-development and growth? I hadn't for the majority of my life, but over the last ironically probably you know to point six seven years and I don't really feel overly affected on my cont content because of this work. it was more about real stuff going on in my life. I had a come to Jesus moment in the last five to seven years where I realized and it's crazy because Gary ve me it's my authentic self but in this setting when he's doing public content, he's really good at Cander I've done therapy I've done work and it's been predominantly around me becoming better at Cander with my closest relationships, not my public life where I'm very good at it.

Yeah, yeah, it's been very fruitful and I feel like I'm better everything including CEO including father and all that. Oh I love that so much. Thank you for sharing that I think it's so important people don't see that behind the scenes I think there's a fine balance back to purple and black and white like I Love that people are being more vulnerable today. but I will say in the growth of vulnerability, we need growth in accountability.

People become very good at blaming mom and Dad for all their problems. Oh, this all sucks because my mom did this. Got it? Let me do the work. No no no no no no yes K you're a big boy now.

Stop it. Yeah, Stop it. Yeah when I talk about being better at Cander I Never bring up what I know to be true about what got me there I always say watch what I do not what I say I Champion my parents maybe more I but I'm a human being. There's things my parents did that I think were Mis turns miscues I never talk about those things.

Yeah, talk about my dad. Maybe not like like in the work environment, uncertain things but not me like things. he did that and so I think more people should look at that I think people need to look at accountability I think people are finally looking to be a little more vulnerable and things of that nature. but I think accountability is on the decline which is leading to a lot of the unhappiness in the world.

I Believe the quickest path to happiness is accountability. Once once you realize that everything is your fault, you actually become happier I mean there real in the world? Oh for sure. Yeah. I'm one of them I Hear you.

So when I talk to my friends in private, this is less public talk or acquaintances or business people. If they ever like you know I'm so out there people feel comfortable with the way I roll I get into some deep ass combos yeah I say to them all the time because I can't relate. It's very hard to relate with somebody who's had an extreme thing happen. but I do say this to them every time no matter how I mean tears of my eyes for hearing their story I will still say because I feel responsible for it.

Hey, just to remind you if anybody on Earth with the same exact circumstances as you has ever done the work to get to a content and happy place, well then you can too because a lot of people use their damage or their negative story as an excuse to never evolve. That's exactly why this podcast exists because I had a up life. sexually abused foster care, my dad kidnapped me, my husband died, broke my back. Yeah, let let's just let just I'm sorry to interrupt I Just want everyone who's listening to this.

You just rattled off four things that if 90% 80% 70% of the audience had one of those things happen. Yeah, my grandmother may she rest in peace Esther Brought up being a widow every day of her life when I got older I tried to explain to him like Grandma like I get it but you can't use that. you've been wiow as an excuse for every single thing you do because unfortunately hundreds of millions of people in the test of time have been widowed. Yeah, we gotta move it.

You gotta move it. Not for your not for anyone but yourself. Yeah and we can Exactly before you start moving it. you know how people say no, no Sally you got to do this for your kids.

that? no that? yeah. 100 per. Sally You got to do this for you and once you do it for you, then it will happen for the kids. Exactly I Love that that's my favorite video.

like hello I have a million but that video that's pinned on your Instagram with that lady. That's like how do I become more confident Because obviously I talk about this and I'm just like you need a model like you. They're going to watch who you're being, not what you say. They don't listen to what we say.

It's the best message for kids 100% I Love you and thank you so much. Thank you thank you! Take care.