Until you love yourself and really have self-acceptance along with self-awareness you will not have nice days. You will have anxiety, You will have down days you will struggle. Here's what's so up and amazing about this. attention is the number one asset.

Hi my loves! I Cannot believe I'm introducing you to this guest today. the one the only! Gary Vayner Che Gary Welcome to Leave Room for the Magic Podcast. It is very surreal and fantastic to have you here today! I'm thrilled to be doing it like guys well I Cannot say thank you enough for saying yes to my audacious ass! I Met you at the Shangra L in Toronto your true hero of mine I've been following you for a long time and it's a pleasure to have you here. Happy to be here.

Thank you so much and and this goes back to you always have to ask like us bumping into each other when I was having a business meeting in Toronto you being in the hall working running up to me I'm an incredible place in my career where this is happening often right? I'm so flattered I'm humbled and because I'm so flattered and humbled I Still want to leave room to do this in a world where like and I know that I'm 5 minutes late so this will be 15 minutes in a world where I'm I'm still behind on like three of the biggest meetings I could have for 15 minutes. My admins always ask me like why are we doing this and they're coming from a good place and this is I'm starting with this because I want everybody to hear this for five different reasons. It's because I love the game of Entrepreneurship and people building. You're in a place now that I've been in and I know me being on here changes the course of this podcast.

I know in my mind iously that you'll now be able to say that I've been on the show and you will book better guests and your journey is now different. That's humbling to me and I need to keep and everybody listening. If you're lucky enough to be further along in your journey, you need to keep having capacity to leave people deposits of good. This is a deposit of good and listen for everybody who's listening and there's been thousands of you that I that ran up to me and said and I said no I I'm sorry I just don't want to promise or underd, deliver or even worse I've said yes but got lost in my inbox.

or you know, when I changed admins they lost some. you know, like there's plenty of times I've said yes to something as audacious as your request and it didn't happen and that sucks and I'm trying to get better at that, but more often than not I've learned how to be humbly real and say hey I just can't Carly I apologize but good luck yes But I'm pumped that when I said yes to you that we're here now and I'm excited to do this. and I hope that people learn two things from that little mini story that we started with: One always ask many of you've seen me and you've been so sweet. You know how busy I am so you haven't even asked.

Let me decide if I can or can't and you know like it's okay if you ask nicely like you did yes nicely and you know like I you know and one out of every hundred times I say yes and one out of every 10 times that I say yes, it gets fully done cuz it doesn't get lost and here we are. And then for everybody else who's lucky enough to be a little further along, keep giving back I Just put out a video of me buying a lemonade for 20 bucks because I grew up doing lemonade and somebody in 1985 stopped and gave me 10 bucks and I'll never forget it here. I am as a 47-year old man 40 years later telling you a story of a biker I can literally see him driving down Tingly Lane stopping and giving us 10 bucks to fill up his lemonade, his bike bottle and it changed my life. Maybe maybe it got me even more happy or addicted or believing in my entrepreneurial.

Journey So I know I'm talking a lot but I wanted to tell that story because in the story of how we even got here, there's two massive layers Le levers to pull. one always ask nicely and two always give back to the game that got you there. Wonderful! Well thank you. I Actually my colleague who was sitting there with me today actually recorded the story of of the the synchronicity of running into you and stuff like that.

so that's going to be after your interview. So I hope people stay on and listen to that because it's a a fun, magical one for me. and uh, and it's magical to have you there here today. And actually I'd love to start with that question because one of the things that really struck me is somebody you know who's flying around doing all these business meetings, running multiple companies.

You're very present with everybody that you come across cuz I witnessed you, uh, interacting with a colleague of mine as we were leaving a conference. How do you develop? You know what? How do you get prepared at the beginning of the day to develop that kind of presence that you can have that attention with people? I Don't know if it's a beginning of the day thing I Think it's a you know every second of the day thing. which is, you know I'm aware that my communication style doesn't necessarily represent humility, you know I speak with heavy conviction I'm competitive, you know I'm uh. ambitious.

These are all things that you know may elude if you're not paying close attention. and I don't expect anyone to play close attention to me. Everyone's busy, they don't need to be worried about me. But yeah, the hardest thing to see for everybody who consumes me on the internet is the humility right? like Julian and I Julian's filming me right now right? we were at the airport in uh Utah uh this weekend actually Saturday and we're we had like a few minutes to talk in the airport and we're kind of talking about he brought up like we something wild happened actually and like the way I handled it I'm proud of it was it was a very weird sitch and I would say it was acceptable if not expected for me to handle it differently and I handled it with Grace calmness, empathy for the person that made the massive mistake and and we had this nice moment.

We were walking and he kind of talked about some of his friends in his world who aren't into entrepreneurship don't really know me outside of like you know I'm pretty omnipresent at this point if you have a so if you're into social media you seen me and you know they're they're They're surprised and intrigued by the things he says he others on my team they know me cuz they see me behind the scenes. you got to see a little bit of that by Just Happening to be out in the wild where I was like in the wild Do you know what I mean Yes, Yeah, absolutely. but that was a micro moment we were 5. Seconds you could have gotten a good version of someone.

These people really know me and I think the answer to your question is humility. How why am I present? Because I don't think I'm better than you when you and I interact I Like that, you know I think I understand why people want to interact with me? Yeah, but that that even humbles me more. Yeah, you know. And so I think humility is imperative I think genuine curiosity I'm curious.

So I like meeting people I know I like to know their story and look I think I have a genuine love for people so it's easier for me to be present because I like the human on the other side I default into optimism I Don't approach people with cynicism I don't think that I they need to earn my trust I give it to them on day one. I'm openhearted I'm pure of I'm full of love for my fellow humans until proven otherwise and even when proven otherwise. I deploy compassion and sympathy for them, trying to hurt or do wrong and so that emotional framework leads to being, intent and and and really locked in with people. Well, I Know you've talked a lot online about.

Those are skill sets that your parents and especially your mom has given you over the time. Is that a muscle you've built over your lifetime? Like between yes, 18 and 47? Yeah and I would say even earlier I think a lot about high school I it's it's kind of crazy how I navigated High School I was 4'11 my freshman year of high school whicho you know, you know, when you know and I looked 11. So now I'm 14 going into high school I look 1112 on a good day I'm 411. If you don't think senior guys picked out, you know their the easy Target and I think back to the first months of freshman year high school recently and I was like man I was and maybe this is happening cuz my daughter's gotone into high school now and I'm seeing the same in her like I was just able to navigate it emotionally.

like no teasing, no making fun of, no bullying, no pushing, no physical or emotional or verbal conflict penetrated my self-esteem So so I was locked in fairly early and then because of that because I was good now I had the capacity to bring good. So Not only was I dealing with it I was the one who was the hand around the shoulder for my fellow classmates who weren't able to deal with it. So not only did I probably get picked on and razed and beat up a little bit more than the rest of the gang cuz I was of the size and like and I'm also loud in who I am to begin with. so I was an easy target I was able to First convert any of that negative energy to positive energy pretty quickly because even at 14, I had enough Charisma to flip even the toughest bully that was a junior.

But second, I was there for my homies, right? I was there for classmates I just met who just like freshman year High School in 1990 in New Jersey yeah was. Let's put it this way Politically Incorrect and so you know I think um I think it's always been there but it is a muscle that I've worked on day and day out, day in and day out and I continue to work on it daily. I think I think being the bigger person yeah is something I practice every day. That's wonderful.

but I'm going to shift gears here a little bit. Gary Um, one of the questions I I had for you. coming into this you've talked online about um, your your intuition being like the brain in your stomach and I think a lot of business people talk about like the Tactical stuffs. um and people touch on the intuitive pieces of it.

But if I think about you know One of my questions for you is how do you navigate your gut intuition. Do you have practical tools and checks against that gut intuition? Of course The results Yeah, but I'm not scared. but I'm not scared of losing right? Why am I so good at intuition? Quote unquote: because I don't fear being wrong. See what? See what's happening there? I Love how you reacted.

Got it? There's two things going on. It's not that I'm more intuitive than everyone, it's that I'm willing to risk it on my intuition because if I'm wrong, two things happened I lost than I learned and I get ridiculed or judged. But I don't care right? and I don't care because I'm audacious I don't care because I'm empathetic. that one's judgment on my business decision if I failed is no different than me being frustrated with the New York Jets they're allowed right.

they're allowed. Yeah. Is there a gap between you acting on your Intuition or do you do? You typically at this stage just kind of flow with it. Have have you ever had it? I guess Conversely, have you ever had a time where you went against your intuition and kind of learned from that as well? Of course you know it's not very clear to me like you know, my brain moves pretty fast.

I'm was trying to think of a quick, good example for you. but like yeah, of course normally when I'm being overly hopeful I'm I'm uncomfortably optimistic and I think I've had to become more and more practically optimistic through the years. I'm very good at like taking the Stray Dog home only to then get bit and have a disease I'm like like I always used to tell my girlfriends girls that were my friends that weren't my girlfriends I used to always in college and high school and post College tell them that like oh thank God I'm not a girl I would have only dated Bad Boys cuz I have I love a good fixing project like I find them I' literally find the most completely broken dude and like try to fix him. You know what I mean that cliche like I've definitely done a poor job hiring through the years because I'm doing a form of Charity more than I'm doing a form of running business.

These are things I've had to get better at. Yeah. I've heard you talk about your superpower being empathy before and and I think a lot of empathetic people fall into that pattern of fixing and thinking they can do more with somebody, especially in a relationship sense. they can't 100% And that's okay too.

like I don't mind all those losses I would have do I do it again. you gave somebody a try you. you went for optimism, You went for love, you went for Hope But you know there's consequences to making bad decisions and if you're a little I think I'm better at recognizing whom to make those jumps with I don't and I think there's a level of humility that wasn't in that I felt so over the top emotionally strong that there was probably a part of me that thought I could fix anyone. and I think now I'm learning like at what cost and to and now I look at it as to the cost of whom.

Big thing that's happening in my career is I'm now worried about the top 20% of my organization not getting the financial, emotional and all the other value they can get from me and my companies because I'm spending too much time enabling and entitling the bottom 20% and that's been a new reconciling that I have to do in my own body. Yeah, um, similar along similar lines to that. I Know you've got this big life goal of oning the Jets I mean it's in your bio I Think there's a lot of talk about manifesting online, but this, this podcast tries to bridge the spiritual and the Practical So when you're trying to make decisions, if that's a big life goal of yours, how do you make decisions? The short-term decisions to ensure you're staying on track towards that. Big Goal I mean the big goal is complicated I think a lot of times if somebody doesn't know me, especially if they have like let's say, maybe even a cynical view, it's like GH another guy trying to be a billionaire and buy the Jets But this is like if you go to my Instagram the first post I have pinned goes very deep into why this has been with me since I was seven eight years old and good one.

yeah and I think honestly, even when you ask this question probably the reason I just answered that is I don't really focus on that I don't really focus that today was another stepping stone to buying the Jets I focus on today is another day I'd like to be happy and deliver on my responsibilities and I'm aware that I have this big goal in the background: I try to aim big and I try to do big things and I try to build but I'm not crippled by the literal interpretation I think a lot of the theme of this talk is I focus on the gray more than the black and white yeah and I think you've referenced it multiple times. It makes me feel in different ways. TCT ICS of this like so it makes me feel like you see me I'm playing in the gray you know I'm playing in the gray and I think the gray is where the magic is. The black and white is obvious.

like again, like you said I can literally go Google or YouTube how to blank, blank, blank and know how to do everything on Earth literally for free. how to is nothing I know how to get more muscles like get in the gym, tear up my muscles, put protein in it as much as possible quickly after and you know. But even though I want some more muscles and I've started to get a little bit of a chest cuz I'm doing more and more push-ups I Don't do it thus I don't have it right and so like people know how to do things I mean almost everything people ask me in business they know how to do because they can Google it. They don't know how to get themselves to do it and that's why I'm so passionate about mindset and gratitude and empathy and patience.

It's why I created V friends to create these characters that embody I Want the world to fall in love with patient Panda because then patience will be cooler I Want the world to fall in love with resilient Red Devil Because I think resilience is not being championed enough right now I think we're over coddling too much in certain situations which is actually creating entitlement and insecurity you can't like. If you over coddle your children and the world, it will lead to entitlement and insecurity. Yeah, and so you got to find the balance. Meanwhile, comforting and being there for people is amazing.

So how do we find a balance? That's why the balance NE It's been very cool to see your messaging and I'll direct people if they're not familiar with your your messaging and and everything. But thank you for champing self- awareness and these great emotional spectrum that we all have and navigate. And thank you so much for your time and being here today! I Really appreciate the Magic's in the gray you heard it from Gary V you're being very sweet cuz you're being dead on time and I'm going to be sweet and return and say something else which is I hope for everybody that's listening. Let me throw out a couple themes we didn't get to touch on but our kissing cousins of everything we just talked about.

Yeah, until you love yourself and really have self-acceptance along with self-awareness Yeah, until that happens, you will not have nice days, You will have anxiety, you will have down days you will struggle. Here's what's so up and amazing about this: You get to decide. Life is gray, Life is beauty is in the eye of the beholder. literally for everyone who's listening and I can like feel like somebody who's never heard of me right now listening crying I can feel it car.

that's how intense this is why I want to stay based on this momentum until you love yourself. Nothing will happen and good news. You're allowed to love yourself cuz you're the judge and the jury. Yeah, and you have to get out of you have to get out of blame.

To Love Yourself you blaming your parents for is allowing you to have a package a container to continue to not love yourself. We must become more emotionally accountable. We are capable. You are capable to get free meditation, You are capable to get free exercise AKA Like push-ups in your room, walking on a hill you are.

there's unlimited. You are free to recognize that you're hanging around people that are negative and you can start limiting that time. And you can go to the person that's most positive in your office and be like hey, Carly I want to be your friend Can I take you out for lunch today? You are. You are in control.

Not everybody can afford therapy, but for those that can you car do you know most people would rather buy a Chanel bag or a Porsche to cover up their hurt instead of spend those dollars on therapy? Yeah, everyone then good. It's so tied with self-awareness because potentially they don't have the self-awareness to realize that's what they're trying to know. What do you think? correct? But what do you think? I'm doing here ready? Very simple. This is a simple game.

You don't have to be an emotional intelligence genius. Are you happy? More times when you wake up than you are not Mhm. The end You don't need to be The how often are you happy I wake up happy 90% of the time, 5% 8% indifferent and 2% anxious. That is off the charts now.

Num that is. I'm not even asking for people to do that I Got the luck of the draw I did a lot of work. There's a lot that went into me being here at 47. My question is where are you right Julian What's your answer? Happy, indifferent, anxious, not great Go Real talk? No.

75% happy, 20% indifferent. Whatever. The rest is 5% That's incredible that makes me look at Julian and I know him enough to be like fits in the pocket. How about you? Carly Real talk, no vulnerable.

Go with me. Real talk right now I'm 50/50 great I'm not a bit of a roller coaster I'm feeling in transition in a weird stage of my life. What you just did for everyone is everything. Yeah, you have an audience that looks up to you, likes you.

Many of the people listening, whether you have nine listeners or 900 look up to you and for them to hear that 50% of the time that you wake up, you're me. Yeah, For me, this is where if we were best friends you would be 80 90 I'll tell you why. Would have convinced you through the years of being together or over one important dinner that not knowing where you're going is not bad. It's actually cool.

Yeah, like what, Nobody really knows where they're going I'm a tree may fall on my head today I Didn't know that was going to happen like nobody knows being comfortable with not knowing where the next turn of the roller coaster is. that's I have nothing but headaches I I Had a lot of bad things happen today already. It's 3:24 p.m. I mean real things.

Got to fire a partner in one business like somebody's sick, like personal like there's I've had a rough day by everyone's standards. besides the 5% of people that are like me, right? it's okay. Yeah well. I've seen the Reps you put in I I go back off and I'm 33 right now and it's a very Stark difference from my 20s where I feel like I knew the next step if I was transitioning I kind of knew what was coming next and this has been a an interesting one where I feel the transition but I don't know the next and that's the were.

the magic. Were you a good student? Yes. Makes all the sense in the world. Yeah everything I just heard is you knew the system.

You knew how to get the A There's a reason I got FS I don't give a about the system. the system is the problem. Yeah, you not knowing what's next is the best thing that happened to you. It's time for you to let go and know that you're not in control at all, right? Fun! Carl You're liter.

You're literally literally not in control. Yeah, maybe this podcast is the changing moment of your career. Yeah, you didn't. You didn't strategically decide to sit in that restaurant Hotel in Toronto Promise it wasn't I'm going to sit here because Gary B is in town and he's going to walk through here.

No I had no idea. Correct. that's life. That's real life.

Yeah cool. Love you see you Very neat! Thank you so much G Take care.