When you were 90, you rarely talk about what you did. You always talk about what you didn't do if you were lucky enough. and if you wanted to get inspired to spend just a little time with a 75 to 90 year old that you don't know and you listen, what she or he will talk about is what they didn't do. I should have married Ricky Thompson I wish I did something different in my career.

The thing that impacted me as a workaholic and someone who's really ambitious I wish I spent more time with my kids that hit me hard. You were not born for a long time and you're going to be dead forever. The moments we have here are small. the art skills were the things that I focused on and I think our society has focused on for a very very very long time.

The IQ of it all, the grades of it all in athletics, the speed, the strength, the math which is amazing because it's a major part of our world and for me that was work ethic. Like you know, since I was 14, spending 12 hours a day in my dad's liquor store in Springfield New Jersey not too far away was just how I grew up I worked every weekend I worked every summer vacation my parents were gangsters I don't know if you guys remember but the last day of school starting around Middle School was a half a day. My parents used to pick me up at that half a day and bring me to the store so I could work the end of the second day. They didn't even give me that half day.

It was work ethic and I always understood that that would do something. But as I've gone through the journeys of my career, other things started to become obvious to me. which was these things are going well for me. and yes I'm working hard and yes I'm doing the thing.

but I have a feeling a lot of this is coming from the things that I was also gifted predominantly for my mother, which are the soft skills. The things that we did not grow. How many people here by show of hands are over 40? Raise your hands. Amazing The majority of the room.

Let's clap it up for some of the youngsters in here. Um, so what some of the youngsters in here definitely don't realize is for the over 40 year old crowd in here, we didn't talk about empathy we didn't talk about. you know some of these softer traits in hard places? You know we didn't talk about that in business. it was.

you know who you know. nice guys finish last was a thing that a lot of us grew up hearing and something in the last 15 years clicked for me where I just didn't believe that to be true I didn't believe it to be true because I'm nice and I'm gonna finish first and I would watch others and I started realizing actually a lot of people that had ridiculous Talent who weren't nice were actually losing a lot more than they could be winning. It seemingly looked good back to being a big sports fan. they were winning at halftime.

they were up 21-0 because they had that edge those sharp elbows. but something became very clear to me that there was a lot of other parts of the formula to get to the highest level. And more importantly, and I know this matters to a lot of people in this room if you were gonna lead. If you were going to be a leader and obviously there's leadership in business, I'm a CEO of 2000 employees.

Obviously, there's leadership in Services both. Whether it's military, police fire like that's obvious. but every person in here will taste leadership in their entire lives. It will happen.

You're either an older sibling, you know. I would argue that most of my leadership was ingrained in to me by being the oldest of two siblings, especially in growing up in the 80s in an immigrant household. it was different. You took care of them, you know? back to the youngsters not knowing.

this is crazy. I'm about to tell you something. Back in the day, we used to go outside and play and our parents had no idea what we were doing. by the time I was seven in Edison New Jersey I was outside nine hours a day and my mom had no clue what I was doing and what I knew at seven was I had to take care of my four-year-old sister and you started learning those things.

But then even if you don't have the Serendipity of being the oldest, you will lead because many people will taste the beauty of being a parent. You want to talk about real leadership. You want to talk about real fear, you want to lead. And you because that person that you gave birth to is the person you love more than anybody in the world.

And so as I started looking at the world over the last 15 years I like to think I like to observe I like watching people. it started getting obvious to me that these softer skills mattered. But here's where some of these skills kick in: I was giving a lot of thought to like. What do I want to talk about a couple things and the framework of the room we're in.

One thing I think a lot about is empathy, right? Empathy is a funny word. It wasn't really talked about like I said earlier for just not a we've no word I heard in the first 20 25 years of my life. It's starting to pop up a little bit here. but I think it's very much misunderstood.

You know, empathy oftentimes comes from a place of like feeling compassion for the other person having feelings for them. and I think it makes sense when you're a leader to have empathy for the people that you are managing or leading. But I think for happiness for lack of anxiety, for joy for the journey that I want for every person in this room. One of the things to really think about is having empathy for the person above you.

One of the things that I've seen bring enormous happiness to many people in my organizations. The Companies I invest in the companies that I run and then just organizations Sports Organizations Service organizations is when you in this room. Let's just do a four instance when you're working on something as an engineer here, right? or a physicist on something and you're working on it for seven years and you've got it finally working In real life. not in the lab and then on a one hour's notice on a one seconds noticed, we're shifting strategy and you're no longer doing that.

There's enormous frustration. You're in the trenches and somebody in a boardroom is making a call and you're frustrated. I Think about that a lot. Why? Because I think that's the exact moment where if the people in this room deployed empathy to the people above them.

If you think about being frustrated with your manager or your leader or their leaders leader or there's leaders leader I Don't know if you've heard, but everyone's got a boss and the guys in this room really know what I'm talking about. Everybody's got a boss no matter what your position looks like and so I think about you know when I come to a talk whether the room is this way that way, left, right, business, startup, entrepreneurs, high schools, Military like? It's all the same thing for me up here, right this second? Can I say one thing that one person in this room has not heard in that way that makes them actually act on it to make their life better. Period. I Know the framework of a lot of people's professional careers in this room.

and I know that disproportionately the quickest way for them to get happier day to day, is to actually put them in the boots or the shoes or the sneakers of the people above them parallel to them and Below them below them comes natural. Below them comes natural. There's a sense of like, okay, this person's reporting to that kind of natural. Not everyone's good at it.

We all know that, but that comes a little more natural. But above you or six rungs above you, that comes hard because you think they should be working for you. which is true. One of the reasons everything has worked for me professionally is every morning I wake up, including today on a groggy day on the East Coast I wake up and say I work for those 2 000 people globally, not the other way around.

True leadership is only based on that humility. I Don't care how many things you have on your thing, do you have the humility to know that you work for them? Easy to do it for the flag because it's Theory It's Not A Human Being When it becomes human, it gets harder. It becomes more real right? All of a sudden, you have to Care on an individual basis and you all know this. Every person left right below to you is different.

The ones that come easy to you that are like you is easy. But the accountability to deal with what's hard is the game leadership. I See this all the time. There's a lot of people who've gone through the Journey of doing the craft and then elevating up and then having to manage the people doing the craft.

That's a tough transition for a lot of people. It's a lot harder. A lot of people think I didn't sign up for this. For example, in my industry: I have all these people that run media MIT math kids out to Wazoo.

They love their headphones and their work. They come to me when they get promoted like wait a minute I Don't want to talk to Sally about her being sad I'm here to run media I'm like you're not, You're not and so like I Get the transition of getting into feelings and boy do we love to judge once we become a leader. Back to the over 40 year old crowd versus some of the people under 25. we love to judge Gen Z I Just want to remind all the people this is my favorite thing going on Sidetrack Real quick I'll just go over here for a second.

My number one favorite conversation in the world right now is Boomers All frustrated and angry at Gen Z when they're the ones who created them and somebody complaining hard the other day about his son. I'm like maybe if you didn't give him an eighth place trophy, he wouldn't be entitled. yeah I really hate eighth place trophies I don't even like the silver and bronze medal I think you should leave that when they give it to you right on the desk. but that's another story for another day.

Listen, if you leave here with anything this morning and I want to do a lot of Q A all Yap here. but I really want to get into the details of these philosophies. These are not just words to me. accountability like to me I'm not here to do anything other than to make somebody happier for the rest of their lives.

I Can promise you right now, the fastest way for every person here. and I'm talking whether you're dealing with something professionally right now. whether you're dealing something with a loved one Leisure Friendship Like Life Life The quickest way to be dramatically happier the second you walk out of here is to fall in love with accountability. This is a very interesting framework.

Do you need me interesting? and I'm gonna I'm gonna say this slow because I Get worried because sometimes this screws people up. it actually makes them upset with themselves. This is very subtle. I'm gonna go Accountability.

It's somehow you can get into a place in your mind where you realize everything you're unhappy about, right? This second is 100 your fault. without without you, then judging and beating yourself up and thinking you suck and having insecurity. Let me say it again. if you can wake up tomorrow, and whether you're upset in your marriage, if you're disappointed with your child, if you're not happy with your career, if you don't have enough money like whatever it is, if you can go 100 into accountability, you will be stunned how quickly your life will turn around.

The trick that I'm trying to figure out how to communicate better is what I've noticed when I've been on this rant for a decade of like. everything that you're upset about is 100 your fault I Didn't realize how many people were so deeply insecure that that path puts them into a place where they're beating themselves up. The reason the world right now is pointing so many fingers is because everyone's judging themselves. You want to really get going.

Give yourself a break. love yourself a little bit more, be a little bit nicer to yourself. There's not a human in this room. A human in this room that hasn't made a ton of mistakes.

We have so demonized, a misstep or a loss back to Apaley's Trophies exist because we didn't want our kids to cry when they lost. The only reason I'm standing here is I cried after I lost my entire childhood. We have to be nicer to ourselves. But I'm telling you right now, if you can get out of the finger-pointing business and get into the thumbs business, your life will be dramatically better Like dramatically.

Because here's the problem. The reason everyone's unanxed, the reason everyone's so challenged is when you point fingers, you just admitted that you're not in control. Period. That accountability is such a powerful drug and it is something we have lost our way with.

We just have. We need to get there. You can't tell me anything. You can come up here and fully explain why it's not working and I can look you dead enough right here with your current job.

And I could say quit you could. You are in control Unlike where I and my parents were born. You're born in a place where you can quit and you can change your career. You can move, you can do anything, and the second you start understanding that truth is the second everything opens up.

Another thing I've been thinking a ton about. which is how do you balance these traits that were in the book? How do you balance confidence with humility really hard? Similar to what I just talked about which is like be fully accountable but don't beat yourself up. Another thing to think about is the power of humility. There's a lot of people in here winning and Rising unfortunately as people win and Rise they sometimes get a little high on their own Supply They get a little bit frothy and think they're a little special.

they start to lose. You like that one. There's some people feeling it out there. I Like how some people are looking at each other.

Laughs: There is such a danger in losing your relationship with humility. There's such a danger. I'm a very public figure I Have tens and tens and tens of millions of followers across social media every time. I Post: I Get unlimited people that leave a comment of a goat emoji that I'm the greatest of all time I Also have many people that say you suck, you're a charlatan.

who do you think you are? Every post A lot of my friends who've gone through this journey with me, other people who've got a lot of awareness out there. many people quit along the way they can't deal with the negative comments many of you don't post anymore because you just don't want to deal with negativity. Many of you have not started posting about some of your interest. The Devils who play my Rangers in this playoff series I caught that logo.

You know many of you have Not even started your journey because you're scared of the judgment. One of the reasons that I can continue to do what I do publicly is because every time someone says nice things to me I can't hear them every goat Emoji I Get does not register what's important about. that is if you can't hear them cheering, you can't hear them booing Too many of us right in this room right now in our personal professional lives are doing things and acting predominantly based on the opinions of others. The amount of human beings that are living life today, worrying about the opinions of people that they don't even like is devastating.

And by the way, those people that you don't like aren't Anonymous people in the comments: they're your co-workers They're your siblings, They're your parents. You know it's hard. It's the truth. The reality is this though.

I Think a lot about this every day. You were not born for a long time and you're going to be dead forever. The moments we have here are small. One thing I would recommend everyone in this room to do as an action is to spend a lot more time with 80 to 100 year olds that are not your family members.

If anyone here can find the luxury of maybe living close to a retirement home and providing some service to it, maybe you have a neighbor for me given how busy I am I usually do it when I'm traveling if I get lucky enough to sit with somebody or at the gate at the airport. if I find a good 90 year old that looks like Yoda I'll roll up on him, start just talking the thing all of you would realize if you I mean this is really important back to like people love talking about like living a fulfilled life service This and that. There's so many little things we can do. like if you close your eyes right now and think about do I have a neighbor 80 to 175 to 100 next door.

the answer is many do like just like bring something over Flowers Okay, you know stuff that we used to do, you know? but you're doing it for selfish reasons. Yeah, you're being selfless and doing something kind and I promise you. and I think this will land with a lot of people. Boy, there's an 83 year old that's living by themselves in an apartment complex really appreciates someone coming over, ringing the doorbell and saying what's up and giving them.

You know, some flowers or a cake or something. But you're not being selfless. You're being selfless and selfish. What you're looking to do is build that relationship Because let me promise you one thing, if you start spending your time with somebody that's actually lived life 85 87 and it's not carrying the baggage because they want to actually like Razzle your mother or tell you what your dad's doing wrong.

You know that grandparent life is a little different. There's baggage there. You need a neutral third party 86 year old in your life. You're going to learn something real powerful that I'd like to talk about right now which is I live my life every day completely based on what I've learned from them.

Which is the following: When you are 90, you rarely talk about what you did. You always talk about what you didn't do if you are lucky enough and if you want to get inspired to spend just a little time six hours, 10 hours this year with a 75 to 90 year old that you don't know and you listen and you talk, what she or he will talk about is what they didn't do. you should have married Ricky Thompson I Wish and this is a big one I wish I did something different in my career. You know the thing that impacted me as a workaholic and someone who's really ambitious I wish I spent more time with my kids.

That hit me hard when I started doing this in my 30s 40s. That was like I'm like that's the one that's my Danger that's my danger and it shifted me. It shifted me. So I asked all of you whether you're a youngster, whether you're in the first quarter or entering the fourth quarter, or anywhere in between.

It's never too late to get better, It's never too late to fight for more happiness ever. It's never a bad idea about so many of my friends at 50 60 just wrapping it up. They're like Gary all the stuff you talk about I'm done I'm like done What you're gonna live to 90. you're 56.

You're gonna live another 40 years. You're done. Should never be done. Should never be done To not regret.

you should never be done to be happier. Something I want to touch on that I knew I wanted to touch on here. It was my biggest emotional vulnerability professionally, which was Candor a lot of you here. One of the biggest thing in this environment that people struggle with is Candor Some of you, like me, don't want to deliver Candor because you don't want to hurt people's feelings.

You're actually non-confrontational You like really love the person that you're about to talk to that stinks at something and you don't want to say it and you like I used to dance like a ballerina I would dance I had something to say to somebody. it would take three minutes and I was in there for 45 minutes like I'm Fred Astaire I would dance and never get to it and what did that do for me over 20 years? It led to me having very awkward firings and all sorts of when. I Think back to any person, the tens of thousands of people that have worked for me for the last 30 years the only ones the only ones the the hundred people that most don't like me all same issue: I wasn't able to be candorous with them and I manipulated it in my own mind of like they should be happy that they're still here because they stink and how does Johnny not see that he stinks I shouldn't have to tell him I should have told him because I didn't do any favors. The problem was my whole childhood and my whole early upbringing.

Anybody that was in my life that was good at Candor was horrible at delivering it. The Candor was delivered in venom and I wasn't able to take the vehicle that the Candor was being delivered in separate from the value of candor. So what I did was what I always do in the world: I market and I brand. When I realized how big of a vulnerability this was for me, I branded myself I created a word and a structure for me to help me and that's how I came up with kind candor when I tell you for a lot of leaders in here, for the organizations in the back, for the organizations in the front and for everybody in between including again the thing I believe which is a lot of these things are impacting your relationships and your real life, not just your professional life I Highly recommend people, especially the ones that are DNA wise similar to me who struggle with telling people the truth when they're disappointed in them.

You must find a way to get down the path of candor is led to. The lack of Candor has led to every negative thing that's ever happened in my life singly. That's how big of a deal this is. So I impose I I pray I push all of you to realize how big of a deal this is.

But here's why Candor scares me. There are many people in this room as managers who use Candor as an excuse to be nasty to Raz to manipulate and so it's a very, very, very dangerous thing. I'm just being candorous with you to help you. um, um, you know Gary I'm just keeping it real I'm like, yeah, real, negative, real manipulative Candor is a tricky one, but if you can understand the kindness part, all of you know this.

You've either been on the receiving end or you've been the deliverer of a message and you know when it didn't land, you're like damn, that did not go the way I wanted. It is always because of your relationship with candor. No question. after watching this be the framework of my companies getting the feedback after the book's been out and just kind of watching.

I Really believe in this concept of kind? Candor I Really believe if you understand it If you can really deliver the challenging news with a little honey instead of vinegar, if you've really got the intent for that person to win, I Believe that kind. Candor Really really matters and I highly recommend you start working on your relationship with Canada I When I tell you when I think about competitiveness 10 out of 10 Accountability: Nine out of ten, right? Patience? This is a big one. I Crush Patients: Everybody wants everything now, which is why they don't get what they want. Patience: 10 out of 10.

Kind Candor Today in front of you, 4 out of ten literally was a one out of Ten or two out of ten. Three years ago. Four out of Ten. Let me just tell you where how big of a deal this is.

From one out of ten to four out of ten, it's doubled my business. It's made the closest relationships that I have my sister, my, my family 3x better I Just know that Candor is a big one I Know that people really struggle with it because it's a hardcore DNA trait. and for the managers in here and leaders in here, it's a tricky one because almost everybody is either too red or Too Blue with it. When Candor needs to be purple, you understand that's a big one.

I Really hope that somebody leaves with that. I'm going to touch on patients before I go into Q A. The reason most people struggle with patients is probably another massive thing that's going on in this room professionally and personally, most people want to accomplish things financially or status wise to impress other people and that is a huge vulnerability. The keeping up with the Joneses or how people judge them based on their money, their accolades, their status is destroying people.

This goes back to 20 minutes ago of trying to impress people you don't even like, right? So the lack of patience has been one of the most obvious things. unlike Candor at 20 I already understood it, you know I I thought that I was going to be a great businessman, but I spent 22 to 34 working for my dad's liquor store, building his business for him I built his business from a 4 million to a 70 million dollar business and I never got paid much money at all because it was a family business and my dad's like yo. What do you complain about? It's a family business. When I die, you'll get it.

I'm like Dad you have great DNA you're gonna die at 94. I'm going to be 72. try to do work out here trying to make something happen and so you know. but it was my patience and my deep ambition to do something great for my parents who did great for me that allowed me to know that even though at 34, I barely had any money based especially on my crazy ambitions, that I would be able to get to it because life is long because you can make things happen can you can build Brick by Brick And so patience is hurting a lot of people here in a million different ways.

People are shortcutting to decisions making, decisions on short-term values versus long-term realities. and I highly, highly recommend a deeper falling in love with patients How are we doing Q A We've got Runners cool I'm going to speak for a little bit more, but I really want people to start thinking about the question they want to ask. And by the way I know some of you may know me and I'm thrilled to talk about marketing I think about that quite a bit, you know whatever that may be. and I Think about marketing, not just like let's sell sneakers and soda.

Marketing is how the whole world. Works Communications How the Whole World works. You may want to raise money to cure a disease because your family's been affected by it. You may want somebody to be the mayor of your town.

You may want a lot of things happen I Don't think anyone here is confused that marketing and communication dictates the temperament and the decisions of human beings. and so a couple just two little things on that. First and foremost: if you want something to happen in the world and you're going to be the one that is trying to make it happen and you may have lots of opinions about social media because everyone does. Now it's still the platform to make what you and this room want to happen happen because it's free.

You're more than welcome to buy television ads. Go pop out Fifty thousand dollars a spot. Knock yourself out. You're more than welcome to run an ad in the newspaper.

The problem is that 80 year old that's your friend is the only one reading it. You're more than welcome to have an opinion on Tick Tock China this and Mark Zuckerberg that you can have any opinion you want. But let me just say one thing in this room. If you're going to be a marketer, you need to be agnostic.

You need to be unemotional. You need to care about where the attention of society is. Period. End of story.

The biggest reasons people are not good at marketing or making something happen is they have an ideology of what it should be. The kids shouldn't be on these phones all the time. They are just to remind you you are and so on. The marketing front Social will continue to be the underpriced game and then something else will come along.

When I was coming up the game, it was email. Email was new kids. You want to hear a good one. A lot of people in this room really didn't want to have email some people.

I Still have people I do work with who have people print out the email for them so they can read it to this day I Just want to say one thing on technology and then we'll move into Q. A Please stop fighting technology. Technology is undefeated against your opinions I Understand you have an opinion about AI Good news AI Doesn't care what your opinion is Ron How many watch this? How many people I need people to be honest lying is the devil by show of hands and raise it high because usually people like to do this on this question a show of hands. Who in here was this person? You had a Blackberry and you loved it because it had all the buttons and everything and when the iPhone came out you said I'm never getting an iPhone it doesn't even have the buttons.

my Blackberry is good and now you have an iPhone raise your hand hi this those hands and by the way this is a pretty OG crowd I could go one generation back. There were people rolling around the world in the mid 90s with a beeper who said I'm never getting a cell phone. my beeper's more than I Don't need people to call me anytime they want. let them beep me and I'll call them back And the amount of people in this room that said they would never be on social media and now they spend all their time on Facebook Arguing with people.

Humans are horrible at this. People said they wouldn't get the car, people said they wouldn't buy a television because the radio was perfect. People will always demonize tomorrow because of fear. Humans are scared and unfortunately, other humans figure that out and weaponize it against us.

And I'm not talking about governments though. they're very good at it. I'm talking about school. I'm talking about school telling you that if you get D's and F's you're going to be a loser.

Meanwhile, does anybody realize how broken school is in 2023? Does anybody have children here? From K to 12? Raise your hands you you know how bad it is, right? We're literally telling kids to memorize stuff and regurgitate it when they have literally the answers on their phone. these kids are chat gbting the answer, writing papers in one minute and I'm like good and school's like bad for what school has broken us. I'm being dead serious on this and I'm not trying to be mad at school like I and don't get confused. I Believe that education is the most important thing in the world I Just think it should be relevant to the world we actually live in and asking our children to spend 12 years of their lives memorizing stuff and then re-spitting it out every three months is the most asinine thing I've ever seen in a world of the internet exists with the answers to the question on their phone at all times.

These kids are disenchanted because they're smart, not the reverse. So that's just that. All right. I Think it's time for Q Now thank you for having me.

Thank you. All right, let's let's get into some real stuff. Those are the philosophies. There's many others, some of you have seen, some of it read the books, but I'd love to go into Q A Let's not be bashful I know how this goes? Just raise your hand.

Who's got a question? Sure. I'm in back there. Uh Gary can you talk about how you deal with failure with all your uh, success? you've had to overcome failure in the past. And second question, if you can talk about where you see AI playing in society's future social record? yeah, I'll go to the second one.

AI is going to eat up everything if you leave. There's a lot of mental things we talked about here. as a practical thing. every person here actually I'm going to assume a lot of this crowd has not gone into AI yet.

it's new and I'm just I'm generalizing but by show of hands. How many people here have not played with an AI app or an AI website yet? Like really done AI Work. Raise your hands if you haven't yet. that's what I figure.

So thank you please please because a lot of the hands will remember this. you not doing stuff with AI is just like the thing you made fun of your parents for not doing with the internet. This is the Internet 1992. it's that big, it's not going away and it will make your life so much better.

When you're in the kitchen saying hey, Alexa can you order me food for two friends? one's lactose intolerant order now boom and that saves you 18 minutes of going to the website or calling or being on your Seamless app or ubereats. This is going to make your life better. Like everything. of course there'll be some things that aren't good, but there aren't some things that are good about everything.

Nothing has been in like alcohol, has some bad things right. A car like everything has bad and good. Please don't do the AI what you've done to everything else. It's going to be a part of our lives.

So it's going to affect brother. It's gonna affect everything when I say everything everything. So the quicker you get used to it like the better your life will be. Period.

End of story As far as failures my man. I Fail almost every day when you're an entrepreneur, you're failing I'm failing constantly. How do I deal with it by not giving a what you think about my failures? Your failures are your failures. The reason everyone struggles with failures is because you actually worry about someone's opinion of your failures.

I'm playing. You think I care about somebody sitting in the stands watching me play saying you stink, you stink, you're sitting I'm playing I fail every I Fail all the time. The key is to make them micro failures, not macro failures. See, people don't have that definition down.

I Micro fail if I Macro failed I'd be out of business I would have a job that's macro failing I Don't macro fail I don't take those kind of risks I'm too smart but Micro Failing every day I Hire someone every day that ends up stinking I We have a pitch we don't win I post something that should have been great and it did it like I'm losing all the time. The key for everyone here to get more comfortable with losing is realizing they're valuing people in the stands judging them on the court you're playing. You really care what somebody else is telling you about how you're raising your child. Get out of here as if they don't suck at parenting too.

Uh, we're by the way. This is the whole thing right now in America We're obsessed with telling everybody everything about everything they're doing wrong without realizing how much we're doing wrong. We are in judgment City We are in finger-pointing City I Deal with losing very easy I Just don't care what anybody thinks about my losing. Definitely not people I don't know and not even my own parents I Want to make them proud I Love them with all my heart I Have no intent of losing.

but if you're living, you're losing and we have to get a lot more comfortable with losing. So much of the depression and anxiety of the youth today is not because of social media, it's because we as parents demonized losing. They're scared to lose and we have to start cheering for losing. Losing is just part of the game My Name's Andre Andre Pleasure for being here I'm glad to be here I Hope I'm not alone in this, but uh, how do folks? uh, you know, either discover or confirm what they were born to do People like I Feel like I love that there's a couple things.

Yep, you know, but how do you really discover it and then hold on to the mic when you say there's a couple things. Have you gone out and tasted and tried to go for those couple things? Yes, and not fully. But that second part, right? this half pregnant thing. No, really, it's a big thing in my mind I'm really glad you asked this question.

I Feel that people are trying. this all goes back to the thing I've been talking about the whole time. subtly stop valuing other people's opinions. The reason he said not bully is he didn't go all the way because subconsciously there's a fear that it's not going to work out.

Will this make enough money to stay sustain? My like. most of the reason people don't go for their dream is because they don't think they'll make enough money to sustain their life Either their family's too practical or they're insecure. There's too many variables. My big thing is I don't This is why I want you to hang out Andre with a 90 year old, you'll be more scared to not go for it after hanging out with people that literally when I tell you when you hang out with the 80 to 100 year old set, all you see in their faces regret.

you know you'll see joy and happy. But if you look, if you look for what we're trying to learn from them of like what did you do that I can learn from it's all regret brother. You will be far more scared to wake up one day and say why didn't I go for being a piano star Why wasn't why didn't I try to be a stand-up comic? You know, why didn't I move to Sweden Whatever it is, be a cook, be a professional video game player. Whatever it is, you will be fearful of that.

So much more than your sister, your uncle, or your spouse, or your best friend laughing at you when you stop doing what you're doing and you go for this thing I Get I'll give you a big one One thing I Talk a ton about that boy I Can't find anyone talking about this is if you were in debt or if you're living a life where you're like kind of never getting over the hump, sell your home and go rent a smaller home, sell your home and go live. the amount of 35 year olds right now that should sell their home or stop paying for their apartment and move back in with their parents is high. They can reset, save some money, have some time with their parents which I know is like. not everyone loves that but a lot of people would love that.

A lot of people do like their parents I would love that, but their pride won't let them do that because everybody will judge them. You sold your house and now you live with your parents. You're a loser As if that person is living. This is the whole game.

So my man, the reason you're half pregnant is something is stopping you from doing it. And I promise you that something is judgment about from others and so you already know what things you want to do. Gary I can't find my passion? Yes you can. Every one of you can tell me what you love most.

Mine's the New York Jets right? So what am I doing? I'm trying to build the biggest businesses in the world so I can buy the Jets and finally win a Super Bowl But everyone everyone here knows what they like. They're scared to admit it. There's there's in here that love ballet. They're scared to say it.

We all know I will never believe anyone that says I don't know no, no you're scared to admit you're scared to go for it. And so that's what I'm trying to push for. Hi darling, Hey Gary my name is such a big fan of yours. Thank you Sweetie! Thank you Sweetie! Let's talk about now: Fear confronting fear and resistance to change.

There's a lot of people that have the mentality of if it's not broken, it's not safe right? Um, we've been doing this forever. Let's not change. This is how we got here. Yep, so when you want to bring something new and uh, to a leader or your manager, yep, how would you advise us to approach that and also help we? Face our fears.

Thank you. You're welcome. So the first one's really interesting. I have this framework that worked and don't forget I have an agency.

That means we get hired by companies and we're trying to tell them what to do. None of our clients do the full thing that I want them to do. They still think running television commercials on network TV is a better way for you to buy something which is just insane to me. Um, and I tell my team all the time because they're very frustrated because we're Progressive I'm like look, everybody makes the same mistake in the question you're making.

They're in the business of convincing I'm not in the business of convincing I'm in the business of conviction I can't convince you up here in 45 minutes. We don't know each other like that. Boy do I have conviction and everything that came out of my mouth. And for some of you, that might be enough at this moment.

literally. Today was the only day that some of the things I said are going to penetrate. There are people who follow me for 10 years and will email me and say I've heard you say the same thing for 10 years and today was the day which is what keeps me motivated, saying the same 13 things 8 000 different ways on every different platform and so you have to when you go into your next meeting. Don't try to convince them, have conviction in what you believe.

Humans will feel that right and you just gotta right. It's just an everyday thing. It's the same thing of I Always think that working out is a great comp for life. Like most people just want to do eight push-ups and think like it'd be all good.

You know, like they just they don't realize that it's an everyday thing. It's an everyday thing. Like everybody here can be in better shape, eat healthier, and exercise. You know the blueprint.

You just. it's hard to do. Everyone's looking for the shortcut, so you just have to keep pushing, keep pushing. and then you have to go into accountability.

if you're pushing every day respectfully for three years and it's not happening and it's bothering you like that, well then quit. This is my big thing. Complaining is the worst. Complaining drives me batshit crazy.

Especially when you have options. you can't quit because you're getting paid 200 000 a year and your lifestyle, well, guess what? Have the humility to get your lifestyle down? If you're so unhappy at work which is where you spend the majority of your life, then return your Lexus and drive a Dodge If you're so unhappy, don't go on two vacations that are bougie. Do a staycation. If you're so unhappy, stop buying five dollar Starbucks coffee and make your 18 Cent coffee at home.

You are in control. So conviction, conviction, conviction, your boss is driving you crazy. It's never going to happen. It's eating up your soul.

Leave because you can. two years from pension, three years from retirement. You still can leave or eat it because that's your strategy and you want it. But shut your mouth.

If you know why you're doing it and you're just eating it for another three years, Eat it. And stop complaining because you're driving us all down with you. Thank you Foreign. Go ahead.

you can go here and we'll go to you next. We got him next, Sir sir. Captain Durfee Uh, so first you know talking about Candor I Have to be completely honest and say that when I heard that you're coming, the only time that I knew of you was on YouTube uh going to garage sales and stuff So I thought we're gonna get really good at going on I'm fully open with it. Can I say something sir? yeah my garage sale videos that I know people have seen that's me listening I I was getting.

you know I would talk about my story and be like hey I didn't have anything either and then I saw Twitter and I invested in it and I invested 25 000 into it and it made X right and I started just getting these emails like okay Gary good for you but like I don't twenty five thousand dollars to invest in the next winner and I was like cool. Let me show you what I did when I had two dollars to my name I drew around I drove around New Jersey went to garage sales I bought stuff in high school I sold it at flea markets in the shanic station in Hunterdon County and then the internet came along and then I sold it on eBay those garage sale videos that all my bougie business friends make fun of me for because they're like you look so stupid and this and that that goes back to the crowd I'm like you may think I look stupid but I get 10 emails a week from people that had 400 to their family's name and made six thousand dollars this summer. Buying stuff at garage sales for a dollar or Goodwill and selling it for 20. means a lot to me those videos.

So actually following up with that, you know you talk about empathy, but then you also talk about not caring about people's opinions. You know, how do you balance empathy with not caring about empathy? Thank you sir! Empathy is having the capacity and compassion to care about other people's feelings. Not caring about other people's opinions is based on being secure in your own skin and not valuing judgment. They're very, very easy to balance though.

The question is absolutely right. it's all emotional. Frameworks For me, it's the game of being selfless and being selfish. You know, for me, having compassion and empathy like it's even the entire speaking style I have right now like to me I sit here and I'm just literally in real time right now.

What can I say that will bring value? What can I say that will bring value? What can I say that brings value As far as I've also cursed four times, sir. I Know there's people in here that don't like that I respect that I'm actually empathetic to that. If you grew up in a household or were taught a certain way where that's a horrible thing, you're not going to like that I grew up in Jersey So you know it's a little. It's a little hard for me to contain it, but I'm empathetic to the judgment.

On the flip side, I'm also aware that I'm okay with that judgment. because if that's what you took out of this talk, we've got to work on all the things we're talking about here. to level up the Consciousness So I think it's I think it's very balancable I think that they're just both very hard. You know this is this is 40 years of practice.

One of the great things that happened to me. parents that have poor students let me give you an Insight that's left field truly not being talked about. What allowed me to be who I am is that I got poor grades and every teacher and every friend's parent told me I'd be a loser. but I knew I wasn't I knew I wasn't because I made more money than everyone selling lemonade I knew I wasn't because when it snowed I got a shovel and rang every doorbell I knew I wasn't because the world was telling me the truth, not the systems and so I got practice.

A lot of parents reinforce School yeah, you're you. This is bad. Without realizing school has no impact on someone's truth in life and so we need to think about those things. and I just got a lot of practice of tuning out the noise because the noise was telling me one thing but I was living another.

I'll give you another one. the greatest thing I Wish on everyone besides health is living the first 10 years of their life in a household that's extremely happy with very little money. That was mine because I was brought up in a way where I realized very quickly. oh, money has no impact on happiness I grew up the happiest little boy on Earth we had nothing I wish that on everybody because you get you get conditioned, you understand and so I think a lot about these things.

It's practicing. It's emotional practice. emotional practice. We talk about physical practice.

We don't talk about emotional practice so I would I think it comes down to practicing like truly having a bad day where people are throwing judgment you and just like knowing yourself enough to be like I'm just gonna go golf because that's what helps me or I'm going to watch sports because that's what helps me. Or you know I'm gonna listen to music like practicing. That's what I do every time I'm having a struggle I push myself into something that gives me escapism from that struggle and getting conditioned. We need more emotional practice my man.

Um, how are you brother I Just want to say that I will see you on YouTube Today's talk and you inspire so many people, right? and I just want to know who's your inspiration, who's your hero? Thank you brother! So I've always answered this question the same and I've just recently figured out how to add to it. So historically it's always been my parents. They came to this country at 22 years old I lived in a studio apartment the size of a third of this stage with seven eight family members like it was rough. they worked every minute.

I watched my Mom raise three kids solo doing everything for us like my dad used to wake up before I saw him and got home after I went to sleep. just worked work so there's nobody even within their realm. However, I will say this brother lately I've realized there is a certain other thing that inspires me to no end. So I live in Manhattan and I take a lot of flights because I travel a lot and a lot of those flights are day trips.

So I actually take a lot. especially in the last 10 years. A lot of 6 a.m flights. So if you take a 6 a.m flight, you're kind of leaving the apartment at like 4 30, right? And there's something that's just so obvious to me when I'm leaving at 4 30.

Especially today would have been a perfect day when it's like dark and gloomy. and you know I live in a city and we're going to Newark or JFK or LaGuardia. So I'm driving through the city usually to get to one of the airports and you know it's like 4 30 and like you just woke up and even though I'd like to close my eyes in the car I'm up. so like I'm just kind of like looking out the window.

This is the scene that I just always you kind of wipe off the right and I'm looking out the window these humans that this is what gets me to gratitude. the amount of people I see you know I'll just paint you the picture that 52 year old woman that I see coming out of the subway at 4 55 a.m with two bags in her hand and I start making up scenarios. Brother: I'm like man, she just lost her husband I'm serious. This is what I do.

This is back to mental training. What? I'm training there is gratitude Right This Woman's it's 4 55 in the morning she's got two bags carrying I'm like she. she might have lost her husband recently. She has three kids to take care of.

This is her second job. now she's doing six to nine before she goes into. you know what I mean and it's just like that person. The people out there that grin like bite their tongue and just put their head down to provide financially and emotionally for their family with all sorts of adversity and don't complain.

That person bro for me is number one. No Elon no no Tom definitely not. Tom Brady no you know no no no no no Like Oprah no no people that are on the gram or not me. Not those people like the people that nobody talks about that are the the same way.

the military and the services and the police number foundational that get overlooked. These people. these millions of people who just grin it. You know we everyone right now is thinking about a person like that that they know of or was important to their life.

The people whose shoulders we stand on in our families, not just in our world. And so I'm so inspired by them. You know people, you know you know when you're young you're like trying to achieve you got Ambitions You're looking up to things. One of the reasons I put out the content I put out my man is because for all the conversations about Rolexes and Lambos and like those are just facades, so many of the people that have 10 million followers on these play I know them.

They're not happy like that they're not content like that. That's the makeup, the people that are just really putting it out there and doing the right things for the people they love at their inconvenience that inspires me to know. And my man, you know I'm not impressed that I am good at making money. That was a god-given gift I'm impressed that I'm nice to people and so I think we have to start championing that.

and I think the person that's most admirable in the world is the work person that is dealing with the most adversity and doesn't complain. I admire that to the end. Thank you so much for taking The time today for us. Thank you! What's your name? Jeannie Fortunato Genie So I have a 17 and 18 year old Yes 18 year olds in Seton Hall doing great.

She was up and running 17 year olds graduating in June zero Direction Yes I'm looking to give him an elevator speech like it's okay that you don't know what you're doing but everybody's like oh, Joey's in Seton Hall what's Angel's doing I'm like uh, we don't know what you know Road he's taking at any advice on a good elevator speech or a 17 year old. Yeah, really sure. Let's start with this: how do you feel about it I'm fine. Whatever he chooses, do you feel like he knows that? Oh yeah yeah.

so what's the problem? 17 year old dose he doesn't know how to handle the pressures of everybody saying okay, your sister's insane of course Angie needs to figure out how to not value other people's opinions you this whole thing you need to tell. it's one thing that angel knows that you're good with it when when you see Ange rolling and whether it's a friend, whether it's a sibling or a cousin right you need to. Every time you as a parent to a 17 year old sees that your his uncle came over and he was a little hot on it, you know can you think of the three or four people that you feel are most bringing the most pressure even though they love him are bringing the pressure you need to really on those people to inch? I'm serious When Uncle Don comes over and Uncle Don is coming from Pure Love he wants Ange to be good when I was your right. When Uncle Don leaves, you need to look angel in the face and be like Uncle Don's a idiot.

You have to. You have to. You see what I mean You have to. You have to decrease the value of the of the voices so that he can have room to feel safe.

You're one place, but your mom right? He needs to know that all those other voices are wrong. You have to judge the judger. The thing that I do for a lot of young people is when they're struggling and I'll talk to them. they're like I'm like yeah but stinks at this or did it as bad at that or why don't you tell Uncle Don to stop drinking I'm being dead serious I Know it's like therapy is none of your business.

No, no, you need to undermine them. I I Know it. No. I'm really I'm being serious.

It's going to help them because that goes into too much like poster. You need to teach them. he's 17. So even though he's a kid, he's he's starting to go through that transition.

You can teach him real life. You know, Like people don't like to talk about the truth, You have like an aunt come over and cause all this. Ruckus But you know the ant was a mess until she was 40.. tell the 17 year old that the aunt was a mess until she was 40..

it it really I You know? I I Get it and it, You know. And obviously I'm trying to use some extreme examples for a giggle and to put into perspective, you don't need to tell them a secret alcoholic is in your family, but but you definitely need to put things into perspective. On the flip side, and this is where it gets dangerous. You can't create entitlement, right? and you're and that's hard, right? So it's this weird balance of like, hey, everyone sucks, but you might suck too if you don't do anything right like it's when I tell you.

Parenting is just like politics. Right now we've gone way too extreme and everybody has to get to the middle as fast as humanly possible. So it's like, hey kid, there's unlimited people that don't know anything at 17. the world is filled with people that sucked at school and don't know what they want to do.

Comma. You're not going to be laying at home doing nothing. No right. So you don't need to go to school, but you're going to work.

And by the way, if you want to work at Walmart Good. If you want to be an entrepreneur, fine you but but you're going to have to do that. And yeah, I got you because I love you and you can stay here. but I'm not giving you any money.

Here's where parents get caught. They talk big game but then they pay for the kids Uber they talk big game but they get them an Equinox membership. They talk big game but they one of the parents undermines the whole Ship by slipping them 100 bucks quietly and be like you can't do that. If that kid's such a big boy and he's going to do it without school, he needs to stand on his own two feet.

You can do subtle things like put a roof over his head which is already remarkable, but parents undermine their words with their actions so he's good. You know you're lucky that it's a great kid. I Don't I don't you don't worry for a second. a lot of people don't.

Most so many kids that are bad at school are the ones I least worry about right? I'm much honestly me personally I'm much more fearful of the great student because they're being taught to be a robot like to me the kid. But where I get really scared is unlike 1985, 1996, 2000 A lot of those 17 year olds went out and got a hard job and learned it and then excelled. 2023 has got this weird mix where parents are like cool but then like subsidize their life. You need to make him stand on his own two feet.

That will teach him everything and you. But you could be absolutely emotionally supportive, just not financially supportive. That's where parents really lose their way because then the kid doesn't understand why he needs to. I Mean we all saw this: when the government pays you to stay home more than you get to go to work, everybody wants to stay home.

I'm the most motivated of all time. if the government wants to give me the Jets right now, I'd understand why that would trick me but it's not real and that's his version. You're welcome. Uh, my name is Hanson and uh.

handsome, Handsome. oh man. I thought I just met the best name ever. Go ahead brother.

Um I Have a uh I Have a selfish question please. you should put it on the side. and I'm curious about social media trends. Yes, uh.

what are your thoughts on like short form versus long form? Both work. What are you? What are you better at? Uh I Typically do long form stuff, but I'm just getting into short form. do long form and then edit. You see how I do it? Do long form and then post edit for short form to bring awareness to long form.

You understand a couple other things. It's always about organic reach. What's giving you more organic reach in the beginning right now? Facebook Reels It doesn't come natural. Most people have moved on from Facebook they don't think.

but Facebook reels for under 35 is crushing. So Facebook reels if you haven't been doing YouTube shorts for sure for sure. especially if you're long forms on YouTube and then the obvious Tick Tock and Instagram things that nature Okay, do you see any other apps that you should? There's there's two apps that are in like Alpha Alpha alpha mode Clapper in case Tick Tock gets banned I think could be a winner and Lemon Eight which is done by Bite Dance which could also get banned but as you know, Instagram based those two but I'm not ready to really talk about them because I don't like guessing but I'm watching and those but you wouldn't get. The reason it's not a good use right now is I'm watching to be more right to when it when it happens it's not happening on those two platforms like that yet.

Whereas with Facebook reels and YouTube shorts, you could post your first YouTube short and it could work. You got it. Hi, My name is another social media question. Please generate a big audience.

And so it's kind of a two-parter So one, what is the number one impact social media has in your day-to-day life and the second is how did you generate like that following from scratch? The number one thing it brings to me is knowing what all of you care about. So I Don't really consume social media for me I consume social media to understand what 8 billion people on Earth care about. So I'm watching like if I wasn't an entrepreneur, if I didn't have that I feel like I would have ended up being like you know those weird scientists that go like to the mountains and like watch ants for 30 years? That's I've got that in me like uh so much of everything you heard today was 25 years of observing all of you so that's the biggest value it brings to me is like big things like oh my God kids are fearing losing because the eighth place trophies that was not like something that was like observing the DMS from kids along the way being like but I'm scared but I'm just gonna like why and you just talk and you just talk and you're like oh right, you've never lost, everything's been covered up I mean this is the craziest. Parents actually go to school now and argue for a better grade for kids.

That's insane. like we've just done too much too many training wheels and so um that's what it does for me as far as me. what I did well that I want for him handsome and everybody else is what I do really well is I make what I want to make not what I think is going to do well in likes and followers. So back to the garage sale.

but like I knew that I would get judged by my fancy business friends. but I didn't care I wanted to make it because I knew that was going to bring value. Uh uh I started making wine videos. that's how I started I know a lot about wine I made wine videos I'm recently starting to make them again because I miss it.

it's not doing as well as my business content. but I don't care and I think I think the more authentic you can be, the more real you can be. People can smell from we're all animals, we're sensing it and I think the reason I've connected is people know I'm authentic and I think they value that and I think we all value that and so I would make content you want to make not what you think will do well. Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you so much thank you.