I've gotten so weird that there's a part of me now that wants me not to buy the Jets more than by the Jets I've seen this Evolution because I want to show the world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah McGee You've just celebrated your 47th birthday. Yes, more energy than ever shall I say But um, what if you as you really recollect on your your childhood from from that vantage point now what are the new insights that you've attained about yourself? Probably the most recent one is like this incredible need to be a superhero you know I I really took the being the oldest brother to Heart You know it's funny. My sister and I have a joke that a lot of people don't know that she exists because obviously me and AJ were in business together and I talk a lot about the Jets and that has AJ. But my relationship with my sister, who's three and a half years younger than me, may be one of the most profound relationships.

I Have she undoubtedly was the first person besides my mother that kind of cheered for me? you know she looked up to me. My mother is incredibly close to her brother and so she spent a lot of time building that relationship. We're Incredibly Close I feel much more kinship to her when I think about my childhood than AJ Because I was 11 years older, we didn't have the same childhood. We also moved when he was three so all my childhood memories have her in it.

and I think as I've gotten in you know, last two three years I'm like oh, I have this like need to be admired. need you know everything that works for me is when I feel like I'm doing it for someone besides myself I'm doing it to make my parents proud I'm doing it to show my sister the right way I'm doing it for my employees. even the way I got into better health and fitness was I hired a babysitter. but really what I hired was someone to do it for Mike and Jordan is who I want to make proud today.

my scale being 175 versus 176 8 which it was two days earlier and Mike texting me great job on the Travel day I did it for him and so as I'm getting older and so much of the Gary Venus I'm realizing is I'm happy when I'm doing things that make other people happy or even at a higher level, creating a framework or a blueprint that they can interpret into themselves. The thing I you know as I got older with my sister A lot of things I talked about was this is my DNA yours DNA is different but like I just I want you to be happy. it's going to be different for you know those kind of things and so you know you know when I do things like this I always go with the first thing that came to my mind I think what's obvious to me is I've exhausted the conversation of grinding and having to do it for myself and learning how to be an entrepreneur in the streets of New Jersey and and recently last couple years I've talked more about Candor when I wrote 12 and a half I'm like this is My Kryptonite I'm great at Candor in this format. put me on stage, put me on a podcast, give me 30 people listening to me I'm Candor King managing Dustin one-on-one I just love them too much like like even you know even this interview like I went from a company off site and like I got emotional this morning speaking to the 35 global leaders and that was the first time I got a I got emotional the way I usually talk about my parents if I'm at a Gala or something of that nature and it hit me and I my observation was oh these people are becoming my family I talk about Brandon warnicki my best friend and I tear up I talk about my parents and my my siblings and I tear up.

this was the first time I kind of teared up for real for real deep deep deep deep in a setting when I was talking about those 35 leaders and it was a nice feeling I'm like oh, this is becoming family and so you know I think I think that Candor has been a weakness on a one-to-one basis. When it's emotional that I've started talking about. The newest thing of this moment when you ask me, is what is it that makes me want to be like this and to be very Frank it's quite enjoyable. um, and it makes me happy and even when I don't deliver I'm happy at the attempt of and so I think I'll probably spend the next half decade trying to finish this thought and probably produce content around it because I The thing I always think about is if I'm this happy if I lack the anxiety that I see in 99.9 of people I have a sense of responsibility to over communicate in case a sentence on a podcast triggers something for someone and starts their journey to be happier.

I don't know something more noble a human can do than be on a quest to leave collateral you know, droppings along the way that may help and will help others. So many directions I want to take that in? I'm going to go with um, the first comment you made and then I'll move on to the second you said I have a desire to be admired Yes, Now when I reflect on that I completely agree I think I lied to myself for a couple of years and thought that I was more noble than I was. But what I came to learn often from doing this podcast was that some kind of insecurity or some kind of Shame was really the driving force at the heart of me. And as I sit here with athletes for Israel adesanya the UFC champion Whoever it is, you uncover these stories which at a very young age, the thing that might have invalidated them when they were younger is now the thing they're striving to seek validation from as an adult.

Well, it's funny I agree with that and now I'm going to tell you why I walk around Earth with gratitude and guilt I Everything you just said is one of my biggest thesis in life that is 100 true. Mine is slightly different I got really fortunate. it's like really hard to talk about even without like getting weird about it I'm my circumstances are you know I think yes in some ways. For example, the system School took such a on me in the 80s and 90s I've and you know this, we've run in similar circles.

I'm very good at fighting the systems of Industries like. It's also why I see things like Netflix you're gonna win Tesla you're gonna win because I know they're fighting the thing and so I recognize it I've been a good investor I've been a good operator and I'm definitely a communicator college right? I was at a talk yesterday I'm not speaking that much but I like my dad taught me, you know, keep your word. So I had a talk from pre-covid that got canceled and then canceled and then I got code like and so I I still did it. and so I did it.

Uh, yesterday and a couple of moms came up to me and both of them. The way they talked to me about the content I'm putting around College was through love and admiration. 12 years ago. those same exact moms were really angry at me.

you know? and so when you see things, you know you, you kind of challenge it. and so yes I think I absolutely. The thing that was an insecurity I get bad grades. but what was different for me is I didn't believe them.

This is. this is where self-esteem is an obsession of mine. Not delusion, right? not delusion because that's what a lot of modern parenting does. You can do anything Sally No, you can't Sally you are not athletic enough to be in the WNBA It wasn't that it was this weird balance that my mom created between deep confidence, but accountability and truth I Remember trying to make an excuse for striking out in a baseball game and trying to use the sun in my eyes as an excuse and my mom not letting me do it very subtly.

Talk about childhood forming you like. This is why I implore everyone to communicate their truth to their children to the world through podcasts through content like it's amazing. To me, sentences change people's lives right? She didn't let me do it and I became very accountable because of those levels of parenting and realities. And that accountability led to so much happiness.

But for me, when the school system was saying you're I didn't believe them and so I watch a lot of people being driven by hurt and I can sense that I'm driven by love I just sense it. Like for me, it's just like deep self-awareness that understands how fortunate I've been like. So many things went my way. The mom of the century being able to leave the Soviet Union in this little window in the 70s 1917-19 in the 72 years that the Soviet Union dictated people's life and to remind everybody this this is something most Americans and westerners don't understand.

The Soviet Union was like North Korea it wasn't like Iran Iranians Right now are able to leave Iran and go to. you know wherever their passport is taken they can't go everywhere but Turkey takes their passport Dubai takes their passport. The Soviet Union that my family grew up in was North Korea You were not allowed to leave. But this little event in 1970 of eight Russians trying to hijack a plane to go to Sweden to escape created a global story that led to pressure on Russia where Spain and Israel and America teamed up and had this little moment where Russia had spent too much money on their weapons of war and were starting to run out of resources and conform to their anti-Semitism and decided to take money from the U.S and Israel in exchange for a couple of hundred thousand people and I'm one of those people and I born with insane levels of Entrepreneurship and Gift of Gab and offense get to go from the worst place on Earth at the time and for someone like me in 1978 to the best place on Earth and then getting all love but not delusion and so by 10 being in the grit of like studio apartment with tons of family members and queen like all but being 10 years old and having little but being happy as and being loved insane and now a 10 year old me realizes that money has no impact on happiness.

I was built to win I was built to win and so I agree with you I See it in so many of my friends. I Always say the two ways to build something insane is deep deep insecurity turned into fuel or deep deep levels of confidence turned into fuel. On that point of confidence you said your mother gave you your confidence Yes, earlier on you said you, she gave you your sense of sort of self-responsibility Yes. but I've also heard you say that she's responsible for your confidence and then another thing, the market.

So yes, my mother and so a lot of people are listening right now and they had positive reinforcement. There's two things to watch out for for everybody who's listening parents or youngsters. or just try to get everyone listening. and I by the way, this is a good time to say this: I consume a lot of content meaning I consume no content I consume how people are consuming content I just want to give you some roses and really The Listener On the other side I've really enjoyed and this is very lightweight.

This is a hot take. It's not like I've done a major homework on this, but I feel like you have a very thoughtful audience I Really like what's going on with you and your audience. It's and it's really both of you, right? It's not just you, it's who self selects to listen to your guests and you're doing a great job casting and all that. But there's something nice going on here so keep going and everyone who's listening Kudos on you for understanding.

There's value here in a world of unlimited content. here's the two back to like: kind of the respect they have I told I told you Dustin I said hey, pay attention today I'm going to be a little bit sharper. it's out of my admiration. Here are the two things I want to go extra level to watch out for in confidence building.

Too many people go too far and they go into that eighth place trophy delusional place and then kids don't believe you I'm gonna be very transparent I've already sensed that with one of my children where they're calling my bluff on it. I'm like it's true, like you're I played AJ much harder in every sport than I'm playing Xander That's the facts and so I'm already adjusting my damn self. Xander's your child? Yes, so so one it's Don't let it be delusional. The whole you can be Anything you can do, anything you want, you can be anything you want.

You just might not be the best at it or great at it. You can be a musician. It doesn't mean that you're going to be a financially successful enough musician to pay for your household. or if you want to be you can, you're just gonna have to live humbly and live your passion which I think is going to be the conversation in 100 years I Believe the evolution of you and I and a lot of people listening is a lot more people making sixty one thousand dollars a year, doing exactly what has them on fire and living and living.

This is a big part and living within the means of that 61 000 but that's a different conversation for a different day. So number one, watch out for delusion. Number two. You can't be the only source of positive reinforcement had I Never gone outside and my mother did everything she did I don't think I am who I am The other part that made me was ringing doorbells and having 81 people say no kid I don't want you to wash my car and having six of them say yes kid I do want you to wash my car for five dollars I think what also made me was standing on a lemonade stand for months in my life.

you know, two days here, three days here. five days here. months of my life from six to thirteen and watching 99.9 of the cars drive by my stand and not react to my Great Signs and not stop and buy my lemonade I Think what made me was a hundred out of 105 people said no to shoveling snow. What made me was I had a baseball card table and I watched a hundred people walk by and not want to buy anything from me even though I had good stickers and good cards and one the market made me all those no's became enjoyable.

It's the yes that acts as the evidence though. so it's the it's the person coming along in the 100 buying the lemonade that makes uh young Gary or a young me go. Do you know what I can sell lemonade 100 and I was I've thought a lot of over the years because the more I speak on stage or the more I my brand has grown I get the same question over and over again which seems to be at the very base level of everything I do Which is how does one build confidence you've talked about your mum's sort of subjective evidence that you are great, and then you've talked about the evidence from the 1 in 100 buying lemonade. I came to this hypothesis that um, our self-belief like all our beliefs, is just, um, based on false or correct subjective evidence we have about ourselves.

So if that is true, if if beliefs or beliefs are just evidence, um, what's your view on how someone can build that self-confidence they're listening to this. Now how do they go? get that evidence and do you agree with that thesis? Yeah, I Like a lot of that thesis I Also think one of the things to point out that might help a lot of people is my mom also create a positive reinforcement for me on the right things when I think back to what she positively reinforced it was not when I get the occasional B in history as a Dnf student, which would be logical. This is the first time I've ever saying this publicly. It's first time I had a clear thought on it.

It would be logical for a mother who really she she knew how smart I was. she was borderline pissed. She's like, can't you get seized to appease me? You're so capable I'm like these and F's why she didn't positively reinforce the bees I got in history which was the one class I paid attention to. Uh is actually a very interesting insight.

She didn't reaffirm a subjective machine that wasn't billed for me. What she reaffirmed and built confidence in me was how nice I was to everyone. When I think of my 47 year old self I am the byproduct of two energies I'm a successful entrepreneur which is what the world taught me. And for the people that know they know like especially the people that really know they know how nice I am like you know this, you've been on, you know a lot more about me and subtle little like what I love about you is you're smart So I know I can say this, you know? yeah I know, Yeah, Yeah, right.

And we've had lots of dealings over this year, right? Yeah in every subtle way. Yeah, in every subtle way, we've theoretically competed. There's been moments where I could or couldn't come like what I love about this is you know. And I've always said that when I go into the grave, so many people are going to know me that as long as the people that actually know me feel what I want them to feel I ca you know there are people who today don't think I'm a great dude and it's off of One Clip that somebody wanted to use me to do a split screen to build themselves up because they're in the business of tearing people down to build their building and that doesn't bother me.

Actually it's one of like I actually have incredible compassion for that person. Has it ever hurt? No. So I'm going to tell you something. So when I became a dragon on BBC's Dragon's Den I I was exposed to a new level of public criticism and misunderstandings of often intentional misunderstanding.

So anything you say or do um, art you know, articles and different sort of sides of the political Spectrum who maybe hate entrepreneurship at times, sure doing pieces on me and then the backlash and then other like real sort of takedown efforts. Yes and there was days where even my walls of like resilience and toughness something kept me up at night. Has that ever happened for you? Where? yeah, we're all human being I'm not a robot. yeah it's that.

it's so not sustained. Tell me about a time when that happened. You don't have to give me the details. I'll tell you yeah there was a kid who wrote a medium piece about me being the face of hustle porn which to this day lingers and it was a medium article.

I Was on a plane I landed and it was just all this chaos and there was a lot of things that weren't true like me. I didn't inherit my dad's liquor store I built my dad's store for him. There were some things that really like trigger me. that one always hurts because I think I did one of the most noble acts a human with Talent can do I knew at 17 that I was a guy and I decided consciously that I loved my parents so much that I was going to dedicate a decade of my youth.

Prime years Pro 20 to 30 is you got time? You got energy you got I gave 10 of my greatest years. They're not my wisdom years, but they're my years and I gave them gave them to my parents. Never made over a hundred twenty thousand a year. built a business from 3 to 65 million.

left with nothing Started vaynermedia in Mike Lazaro's conference room at Buddy Media at 34 years old because I had no money I'm proud of that. So when you can imagine when somebody writes a hit piece and says you can't listen to this guy, he inherited his dad's liquor store. That hurts when you say hurts, what are the symptoms of that hurt for you? Oh, you're gonna love this because this is why it's not sustainable. I'm I'm neutral at all times.

Gary you're the goat thank you Gary you're I understand Why does it hurt I Know that there is millions of 15 to 25 year olds, 30 to 60 year olds, 61 to 90 year olds right now who've decided not to consume my message because one person who's hurting decided to build themselves up by targeting me because of the platform I'm on and that disappoints me more than anything As someone who is deeply, deeply, deeply driven by leaving the impact at the highest levels that he is capable of out of the guilt and gratitude of winning the DNA and environment game, the elimination of opportunity to help make the world more about love in lieu of someone reinforcing their beliefs of living the world of dark and hate is crushing for me philosophically. But the reason it's not sustained Steve is my number one fan on Earth outside of my family, whoever that is Sally Pants McGee and my number one person that hates me the most thinks that the whole thing is the worst. Can't wait till I die I equally feel the same about it. zero.

On that day you landed from that plane, you see the no Twitter or whatever's blowing up and all these people are saying those things if I was sat next to you yes, what would I have of what would I have observed? uh hey, this is too big to not address in a world where 99.9 things I won't address I Want to at least create clarity because it's gone too viral in a world that I admire. The readers of Medium are my contemporaries my friends people. I admire and so I just didn't want six or seven things that weren't true to be the foundation of a hypothesis. especially when you go read, crush it which is my coming out moment.

It doesn't talk about making money and buying a yacht when it talks about working hard at night. It was under the context of the 2008 recession, people losing their jobs and me saying hey I don't know if you know this but the internet's getting mature and if you go on YouTube and Twitter you might be able to fix this shortcoming you have. and yes I understand that some of you are also equally. It's not just about getting a new job or getting a job, it's also oh my God because this was this was insane to me because I was just coming out to the world now I was like in My Little Wine Library bubble I'm like people don't like their jobs like that was like I loved it so much even if I was doing it for my I loved it so much that I was taken aback by that.

I was like well if you don't like being an accountant and you love Star Trek start making Star Trek video I mean it's insane what Tick Tock and Instagram and YouTube have created you go read crush it which I wrote in 2008. it's insane how much of that became true even to me. You know why I'm asking I think I'm asking this question and I please. Assisting on this topic is because I've always seen the way that you've publicly responded in those moments and it's always been with an unbelievable level of gratitude and empathy.

and so I as someone who's been on the receiving end of it, it's hard. It's hard. So it's just. it's just you know.

I'm sorry finished I was gonna say so I've always wondered from afar yeah, someone who's been on the receiving end of it what goes on as the the first? You know, like the first reaction we have to these things where you're like yeah, I mean the first hundred Honestly, the first hundredth of a second reaction is actually a very weird blend of you'll see and I can't wait to be gracious when you come to apologize. And I've I've had moments like that where the thing, the story, whatever will just stay on my mind and it will rattle over. And it might rattle over for like six seven hours. eight hours.

It might rattle over at night time. that night might even rattle over the next morning. Mate, Does that happen to you too? It's very rare for it to be able to get to the second day that next morning. very rare.

I just go deep into the Gary Cave of okay. this person I admire just took a on me. this this influencer decided to on me and I'm not talking about the comedians who I love the comedian stuff is like awesome because I'm like like and I just did Dylan's podcast and I said it I'm like that's that I'm like humbled by like actual good comedians. Forget about the people that impersonate me and have built not their careers because they impersonate others.

but like a couple of these characters have really benefited from impersonating me and that means so much to me that I brought V Con was my crowning event and the first people that hit stage were impersonators of me. There's no bigger cosine I can give to like that feels amazing that somebody's winning The thought that somebody's winning in their comedic career because they popped by impersonating me. that's like the most humbling feeling of all time. Not that not when people take shots at me and like hyperbolize what I'm saying for a laugh I'm I'm flattered by it.

I'm talking about people that really like this dude. he's bad and and it's so bad how they do it. it's so very out of context and things that nature I just I it just doesn't register I What you know I if I'm hurt by midnight as I close my eyes and then the first thing I do when I close those eyes and the first thing I do when I open those eyes I say to myself okay the world all eight billion people have decided to go on social media and say actually, I'm a piece of is that better or worse than my parents dying in a car crash right now on the way to the airport I'd much rather have all 8 billion people go on social media right now and say I suck then that to happen thus I can't be upset about this in a real way. That's bigger problems.

There's bigger problems. You referenced something earlier, you said wisdom years I found that really really compelling because you reference you know I think you said 20 to 30. I'm now 30. just turned 30.

so I guess I'm in my wisdom years one of the things I think this one's the in-between the time in the 30s like right? Like just go ham. Um and for everybody listening, this is the years to taste a lot of make a lot of mistakes. Have fun, try different things like everything, eat it all. Go to the go to the you know the salad bar and try every single thing that's in there.

30 to 40 is the refinement of 20 to 30. especially if you really go at it. you're like okay I remember like 30 30s when started popping for me February 21st 2006 is my first episode of Wine Library TV So I'm 30. I just turned 30.

and that is clear I mean the fact that within December within three months of my 30th birthday, the very clear public data very clear indication of the shift in my career happened three months. so that was interesting. and I think those are when I think of 30 to 40 I refined a lot of things that felt natural 20 to 30. I refined my craft I started to get to know myself better when I think about 40 to 47 I'm like that's an evolution of 30 to 40.

I'm still refining I'm still doing but I'm starting to get into a thought of like okay I like have real grasp on things I can do some real damage like I'm scared in the most positive way of what I'm gonna accomplish selfish, selfish, and selflessly from 50 to 60. scared I think it's going to be banana I think everything that is me right now is minor leagues compared to what I'm gonna do 50 to 60 because I now have the context of 40 to 50 which is a more polished version of the refinement of 30 40. and so for me, 50 to 60 feels like insanity. And then when I look at my 60 to 70 year old business friends I'm like I get an entire another decade after that decade of doing it at a hundred and then I start debating what happens at 70 right then I'm like 70 to 80 is still a very clear decade for a certain very small group to continue to go ham and go insane I'm curious where I'll be I notice 70 I'll be exactly the same way I am.

Right now, it's inconceivable I'm not. Um, those 23 years are pretty clear to me. they're going to look like the last 23 years 70 to 80 becomes an interesting debate. Will I take any foot off the pedal? Will I go to a different place I often fantasize of like going into like a cave in Peru and whoever wants to find me can come and we get 30 minutes and I just do that for the next 30 years of my life I don't know.

Obviously there's that very silly but very emotional goal of buying the Jets For me, that's more fun to chase than like I almost think I the first time I might feel actual unhappiness or weirdness or some sort of version of like, uh, might be if if I buy the Jets like I think about that a lot I'm like if this happens was this such a romantic Journey this is not 30 and 40 and 20 year old Gary Thinking it's cool to say this, this was 12 year old Gary telling Robbie turnick and Eric Godfrey I'm gonna buy this team. This has been like a thing like actually like forever on that point of those wisdom years. Yes, one of the things that came out of my refinement as you call it and my kind of maybe I meant just at the start of my wisdom years. Yes as I look back on my perspective on exactly what you've talked about.

I'm like Hustle and like my own. um Insane Luck of being a very optimistic person in the worst situations and I wonder I say Steve is mindset a privilege? and if it is because you described yourself as being as happy you've always had this this drive. this motivation. Is there a risk in us if mindset if our mindset is a privilege in trying to advise others when they don't have the same privilege.

Couple things one: everything's a privilege. Yeah, do you see what I mean though? like of course I got really scared I think it's two years. This is incredibly powerful. First of all, as a whole, separate and intriguing conversation.

everything is a privilege and everything is a vulnerability and this is like a incredibly important subject to talk about. I Think mental content is the ultimate privilege? Yeah I think the second one is beauty I'm fascinated that we haven't gotten yet to attractive privilege. when I look at men and women navigate this world, there's nothing more clear to me in the privilege that like, like they're like white male I'm like attractive privilege makes that look minor leagues if you look at the beta. so let's look at that then well I'm gonna put I want to go back because I don't want to lose and I will lose it because I know how we roll Uh uh I have no interest in thinking that I'm telling anyone what to do or giving I do not think that I'm giving advice I really don't and I don't touch on this enough and I have touched on it at times and this is a great format to touch about I Have no belief that I'm right I have no belief that I'm giving advice I have no belief that anyone listening to this should do what I'm saying I am putting info into the system and I'm hoping that people can extract something of value for them based on their own self-awareness of themselves.

Most people don't have self-awareness I'm aware, which is why I talk about it so much. Yeah, but there's a reason I talk about self-awareness so much why I was a pillar of my last book. Why it's a big character in V Friends self-aware hair, Self-aware hair Tortoise And the hair? yeah I Think people don't One day when I'm you know I think 47 year old Gary for cynics and people that were watching is better than they thought it would be than 27 year old Gary right? Like the hot takes some I'll never forget when I hit the scene on Twitter The Whispers at conferences I could hear them in the back in the green room and I definitely read it on Twitter because I was like popping. They're like out of everyone who's popping on.

Twitter In 2007, the consensus was the only person that won't be here in a decade is Gary because it was too hot, Too fast. Too much people. literally I'm empathetic when you have this kind of energy. I'm empathetic to how this story plays out for different people.

I Get why the person burns out I get why the person really does the ultimate bad thing and disappears off the I Get what that? but that's because I'm not on the extreme insecurity side I'm on this other side. so I always knew so. but one of the things. so I get a lot of like joy out of like knowing that so many people didn't think I'd be there and I'm at the top of it same way I feel about the friends.

Nobody has a clue including my inner circle of how much thoughtfulness I did in character development. This is my Disney this is my Sesame Street Big Bird Mickey Mouse right? Optimus Prime Pikachu Like self-awareness is profound. the story of The Tortoise And The Hair is profound to every listener of this. There's not a single listener right this second that's listening here right now.

If they're eight, or if they're 88 that isn't extremely vulnerable to the lack of patience because they're too ambitious, it's the reason they're listening. So Self-aware Hair for me is a phenomenal story I get to tell for the next 50 years and I Can't wait to make Self-aware Hair more famous than Garyvee is today because that will be the way I scale putting positivity into the world. Be friends and so I'm excited about that. But back to your point my friend.

As long as you come from a place of humility and understand that ego kills people I Yes, we have some luxury of mindset and communication. but for me I Don't think people should listen to me I Should I Think people should listen to everything and try to find positivity and usability out of everything. And they should dismiss what is clearly negative and selfish. And they should triple down on everything that is selfless and positive.

And that is the answer to your question that started here. What should people do? They should be very, very focused on trying to do the following: Lean in dramatically more to things that are positive your grandfather podcasts upworthy.com lean into positivity, then they should be on the awareness. Eyes Wide Open On is this delusional and lacks practicality like you know. if I just dream it, it will happen.

No lean in, cut out literally. When this podcast is over, step back. audit your entire life From the people. you spend time with, your family, your friends, look at every person you follow.

Are they triggering your insecurities for their own self-interest Are they trying to put love into it so that you go on and do your thing, watch, look for it. But whatever you do back to like working out like you know protein and you know when I when you know when Mike vacant is like all right. You did a left like protein I'm like really okay and like during cooking I'm like wait a minute I'm starting to finally get some muscles. Oh, because I was doing protein as after lifts and not after not lifts I was doing it right.

Here's something right for everyone. Cut out one hour of negativity, Add one hour of positivity. If you're listening right now and you're like, uh, social's such a drag, It's because you're in a drag mindset and the Algos and the people you follow are following you. You know what my Social looks like Sunshine I'm being dead serious.

You know what my Algos look like sunshine in the world of the momentum of Darkness Right now sunshine. You know why I choose to fight for positivity, but I refuse to not be grounded in practicality. which is why I've always thrown curveballs. Love everybody.

It's all awesome. eighth place trophies. What? Gary What? What eighth place trophies lead to entitlement and fear of losing and it up Kids so like it's kind of that juxtaposition. Practical positivity is something everyone needs to add more.

and so back to your point. We are going to put out stuff forever because it's how we're wired. the people who are listening right now for a lot of them. They need to understand where they match with us and you know you and I match on a lot of things.

There's a lot of things we don't match on The person on the other side needs to figure that out. You I would argue watching you from afar. We know each other but not that deep. we never.

We haven't had those six hours that we need that we will have in the next 50 years where it starts to get even closer. But even from afar, it's clear to me that you're understanding more and more what is right from the messages you've heard and what's not right for you. and you refine it and you refine it. There's a lot to your point.

There's a I say it all the time. Please don't be me. The only thing I want people to be like me is be as happy as me. That's an insular game that's a self-awareness game that's a process game.

That's the only thing I want people to be like with me like I'm weird I've got a lot of weird nuances I do a lot of things that are not scalable I don't maximize for I'm always worried when people are like oh, I want to learn how you build your businesses I'm like it's real different like you know I don't maximize for profit I maximize for retention of relationships. If you aren't as confident as I am, when those people leave and compete with you, you become Grudge oriented and envy oriented instead of happy oriented like I've got some weird elements that people can't run my playbook but I couldn't write run other people's Playbook So pay attention, find what works for you, try try it multiple times. Steve said something you like, try it once, didn't work. Steve's not an idiot, you don't suck.

try it again on this. The very Crux of all of this is that key point which is about self awareness. and as I realized that in my late 20s, that self-awareness was really the key to um, to most things in life. and I remember writing a quote my Instagram which is still my favorite quote of all time where I said um, there's no self-develop Um, there's no self-development without self-awareness You can read as many books as you like 100, but if you can't read yourself, you'll never learn a thing.

It's why I've never read a book Yeah, exactly. So like like to me the only thing I've read is my feelings. So how does how does one person listening to this Now that's been listening to our content and you know they really want to be a an entrepreneur. They want to have a big Media Company whatever it might be, but they don't know, they don't have them like but objectively they don't have.

Minerals Well How do they go about discovering? They don't have the minerals by going in the pool and drowning? Okay, you know it's not for you and I to judge because we've been wrong too much. Yeah, I've been wrong so much. it scares the out of me. And I'm gifted with intuition that when I'm dead I hope they can test for it because I think I'm all time and I've been wrong a ton that makes me believe everyone's wrong.

So if you're listening, here's a couple things that are a good call out that may bring value instead of what I just said asking what you're in it for is humongous. Yeah, but this generation I don't think they know because people think I know this. First of all, you're part of this generation. Yeah, that's how I know.

but you know. but I know too. But guess what? My generation this I'm so done with this. my generation didn't know either.

Guess what? When I was 22, all my friends wanted to hook up too. All my friends wanted a BMW too. And by the way, as somebody who observed people his whole life, the people that were older me, the people that were buying expensive wine for me when I was 20 and they were 35. They everybody wants stuff to communicate to others that they're winning.

We've been putting on makeup since we had clubs hitting each other like it's what humans do. We do things to communicate. Yes, Why? To hide, We're hiding. We.

We used to do it with status. Right now we've decided to on each other. Our current move to hide is by tearing each other down. That status.

too I Want to be more I Want to be the most leftist I Want to be the most on the right I Want you know? Of course the problem is. unlike buying a BMW and going into debt when you're doing this one, you're hurting other people's feelings. Um, it's one thing when you're hurting your credit score. It's another thing when you're trying to make someone feel bad about themselves.

That's why the acts of us collectively at 8 billion people right now is completely and utterly unacceptable. Which is why I'm desperately communicating at the highest levels about the stuff that I want to put into the world as a counter to people's us against them girls versus boys, blacks versus Jews Republicans It's exhausting. Like once people understand there's one team, humans, let's let's you can be mad at elephants. you could be mad at Falcons But like being mad at each other is the most counterproductive thing and we need to go into tribes.

my country, my sports team. I Understand this because I hate all the other football teams. It's the only place I get those feelings the way people feel about Republicans and Democrats or genders and races or countries. The only place I can touch on it emotionally is American football.

My level of actual disdain towards Patriot fans is real I feel the rage. The fact that I do that for something silly. That's a form of escapism. That's a couple hours a week to like, reset and like enjoy and Escape like people watch movies or ski or exercise.

That's silly. That's football. That's silly. We're doing this in real life to each other and it's it's got to stop.

And I think it's It Starts with people understanding if you are on others right now it's a complete reflection to your own unhappiness and insecurity. I had a kid come up to me and this is why I was asking the question is after I did a tool can he said to me as I knelt down on stage he said I want to he must have been 18. I want to be a public speaker too and I'm like why why is always the right answer and the answer you'll get from this generate this My generation is well I wanna I wanna change the world Gary yeah of course and then you go. What do you want to change about it? They go I In fact what I came to learn is they want to be the type of person that's known for changing the world aspiration.

That's right, they saw the audience right and they want that feeling. The money, the fame, the accolades, the blue check, the followers, the fun. I Understand it's the problem with all the things I just mentioned is they're a vulnerability to your own happiness. If it's not balanced, there's not.

By the way, sometimes people get mad at me in the other direction like Gary with my face off I can buy a watch or a car I'm like of course you can the why if you like love the like I don't understand sports cars and the feeling of going that fast. that's not me. but I understand buying rare sports cards and that's enjoyable if you enjoy that. that's phenomenal when I Talk about materialistic things I Talk about makeup for insecurity.

If you are burning the midnight oil, you know how people burn out. They're working till two in the morning to buy the expensive car to use it to close their insecurity to get the affirmation from the opposite sex or their friends. That's that. that system's broke.

It won't work I I I mean I don't know what to tell you like everyone's like okay Gary but I'd rather have the money like this whole like I'd rather cry in my Ferrari than drive a Toyota or take the bus. You say that do you really want to be in a mental place where you're on the borderline of suicide and you have heavy drug usage even though you make three million dollars a year? 17 million dollars a year because you know this now. Steve You've worked very hard and you have the talents and the luck of the draw and you put in the execution to now run in circles where you know what I'm about to say is ungodly true which is the following: An extraordinary amount of people that have unlimited resources, are desperately lonely, insecure, unhappy, and borderline depression suicidal. That's just truth and so like the thought of me talking in any other direction when I know that to be true seems like the least authentic thing I can do.

But even when you say that, you must know that for a huge amount of people including myself, we have to have that hypothesis that those things will give us some kind of fulfillment or meaning. We have to have that fail us before we learn the lesson. Gary's words versus the insecurity that was developed from my mother and my father on the playground. hypothetically one of them.

You know when I was seven years old, the kid said I'd never be nothing then my teeth I'm not talking about myself, the teacher comes in and says you're an I think I think that's right on one side of the skill yeah Gary's words I don't think it's either of those I think it's the macro conversation of happiness I believe if the kids getting picked on, you'll never be nothing and she or he decides I will be content at 25. I will have peace of mind I will smile 89.3 of my life instead of I'm gonna have a mansion and a super yacht I think gets crazy you're describing neither so you I I At very young age only only black kid in an all-white area. We're also the poorest family so we understand the value. so we had all the advantages of adversity Exactly Yes in the con on the context I was in I was the Blackberry in a world full of iPhones So I had that feeling of like not enoughness I Get it? That means that um as I go off into the world I'm convinced my subjective evidence is if you get the material success of this habit, if you get there, then you'll be happy.

Nothing on one Earth What if you're 17 Heroes on Tick Tock and YouTube we're talking about something else. Hold on. Yeah, yeah no no, this is super duper important. What if your 17 Heroes How has everything changed in the world? Can I say that much again? That might not be enough because those first 10 years as you learn your childhood psychology, you're the the problem is in those first 10 years you will have Heroes outside of your family.

What if your seven-year-old you on YouTube kids finds a hero or on ESPN app or something? What if What if Messi your hero at seven in every other interview spoke about peace of mind living with it like what if the conversation changed because the conversation has changed on Race on gender on religion on status Tulips used to be the most important thing in your life The King The King Do you understand in America In 1968 in 1971 in 1971 in America If you were an astronaut or Pilot you were cooler than an athlete I Want everyone to pay it like this is a big deal. This is what my mission is in 1971 in America if you were a astronaut or Pilot you were more famous than everybody but the top 10 athletes in America that Joe Namath was more famous. Love them. but you know you understand.

Yeah, do you understand that Joe Namath is actually a great comp. The Jets quarterback that stunned the world in Super Bowl Three became a sex symbol and that started to change. He was a celebrity which was different. You and I are affected by entrepreneurship now.

being a celebrity status. Something that couldn't have even crossed my mind when I was 18 years old. maybe even 30 your age. Right now 30.

it was starting to because you have to understand. do you know who was the biggest entrepreneur when I was your age? Bill Gates the nerdiest looking person on Earth It's fun. You're properly speaking in the framework of our society. now.

My argument is that communication changes Frameworks And what if we collectively got on this boat? I I Want to? So here's what I'm thinking. So if if we manage to get seven-year-olds absorbing content which I imagine is probably a lot of your plan with V friends, that is empowering that is creating new evidence in their mind. Purple, not red or blue? Yeah, right. back from public at purple, right? Like like competitive clown is a accountable ant.

Kids is the thing like if you lost, you lost I don't want to over coddle it. Yeah, yeah. but Gary Vaynerchuk's seven-year-old world. Yes, if his mother was crying on the kitchen counter every day because of my you've I mean We started this by talking about this using Gary Vaynerchuk and Steve yeah and not acknowledging that there is extraordinary amounts of people that are bringing joy into the world that had alcoholic parents.

Yeah, depressed mom and dads bipolar Moms and dads lose it. My mother lost her mom at five and her father ready. You know why? I Have confidence in this. Let's talk about Tamara Vaynerchuk not Gary Vaynerchuk Tamara Vaynerchuk was born in the Soviet Union in 1955 about as bad of a draw as one can get.

She goes on to get another tough card it's called her mother dies at five. She goes on to have an even more insane card which is her father goes to jail for basically in this environment right now. This will make sense to people. Finally for being Jewish in the Soviet Union and he went to jail for 10 years, she finds herself a 10 with her mom, dad, and her dad in jail for a decade and a stepmom raising her who's a young kid.

doesn't know what the just happened to her either, right? All the family's gone because everyone's like just up all the Dynamics the mom's side, the dad's side. you're following the story. She goes on to become the person that built me because she is me and I am her. More importantly, these core positive person.

For any person in her life. from acquaintance that met her once to clearly her three children, she exists. I'm not saying that any early experience defines which way you're going to go. and I'm trying to say that any early experience is going to be good.

Yeah, yeah, could any experience from you between age of zero and ten? I could be a major factor, right? And I've sat here with these childhood uh, psychologists and therapists like Abel May who studies childhood trauma in that first 10 years of your life if your parents are constantly I Believe in that. Crying By the way, just so everybody who's listening because it might seem the opposite because I'm kind of going fast. Yeah. I Believe in that comma, There's something I believe in If one person that lived that cliche life has gone on to be an incredibly happy and productive person in now means it's capable and true.

I've noticed this in my guests on this podcast so I'd sit here with a guest whose father was, um, incredibly violent and did domestic domestic violence on his mother. Yeah, this person is the kindest person I've ever met. I've sat here with someone whose father did domestic violence because of. there's a layer between what happens in their interpretation.

We overreact in both directions. It's it's your interpretation and that's what the childhood psychologist said: you couldn't There's what there's Someone's like having a sunglasses on your eyes Steve There's nothing else. You know that, right? Yeah, 100 there is nothing else on. Earth Yeah, so the point.

The point here is. um, regarding that person who grows up in a household where they interpret, yes, that money is the most important thing. Do they then have to have that belief fail before they can learn that the Lamborghini's because for me I just can't imagine a world where that was so deep inside me that insecurity and shame I Can't imagine a world where Steve Bartlett doing a quote on Instagram or doing a podcast would have been stronger evidence I'm watching my parents scream at each other every day. My argument is, you don't know, you just know the alternative.

and I would argue that many people like yourself and I know weird things because we get unlimited DMS and emails. and you know this about me because this is where I'm a little weird I Took a six hour flight yesterday and read a gadrillion DMs I think what? I do that's a hair different than a lot of my contemporaries is I'm in the dirt heavy like I Really still see extraordinary levels of value of being in the trenches reading those DMS replying to those DMs like long after I mean I'm watching people get 10 000 followers and think there's somebody and get an assistant to reply like I'm still in it and in that I see it I I've There's a reason that people that were deeply alcoholic have been able to be sober the rest of their lives after going through a process. There's a reason that therapy is profound. There is a reason that meditation is profound.

There's a reason that exercise is profound to me. Everything you just said Is Right But it is the cliche. You get a hand and then you gotta play it. And as someone who's not good at poker and has won many hands with three seven off suit because I'm just a like that.

I believe in that in life too. There's every version. Do I believe that to your point I believe more than anything that those first 10 years. there's so much going on it's insane including the environment you're in, right? Yours was one, Mine was one.

But do I believe that if you then decide like many do, well I got I got Well, then if you've decided back to perspective being everything, if you've decided I got well then the game's over Anyway, what the are we doing here? If if you've decided I can't because I was unlucky. my mom, this, my dad, this my country, this my gender, that my income level this. well, that's over. It doesn't matter what.

I Think you think anyone else thinks it's over I just refuse to talk to another human being and believe that to be true because there's been billions of examples of the alternative billion. Steve Yeah, there's been billions of Alternatives of the exact opposite. I Agree with you. it's just that point sometimes.

I Ponder which is um, you'll meet someone and you think this guy regardless of what I say to them or this this woman is going to have to have their current world view fail them. By the way, I Believe that about every person. Yeah. I Don't believe a single person that I've inspired or got through to now wins.

They have to taste everything for themselves. Yeah, you said you're weird and I sat with Tim Grover Tim Grover who used to train LeBron and um MJ and Kobe um he said to me that we all have our Brilliance our greatness and then often connected to that and responsible for that is our Dark Side that's the word he used. The thing that you know becomes the the Star Wars the difficult Star Wars What's your dark side? Probably my unhealthy. There's a version of me on a competitive scale that can get dark I'm incredibly competitive the only place I feel like I'm dark is when I'm competing like it's crazy.

Moments ago, a couple hours ago, we did: Rock Paper Scissors tournament with our leadership team as an exercise I Lost Peter Chun head of platforms The guy that talks to snap and everything I Quickly thought after I lost in the first five seconds Should I fire him of course of course Steve there's a little ha ha. but if I'm being naked and an authentic and transparent to this audience. thank God at 47 the wisdom years uh I used to punch if Dustin Bingham Joe minakawa Glenn Curtis Eric Rainey Can you guys all stand up and go to social media and tell everybody the following truth of what happened anytime: I lost in Madden 94 in a dorm room I would punch a hole in the wall knowing I would have to pay a fine with my own money but I was incapable of dealing with losing. Why? Because I wanted to win Yeah, but why? uh, because it felt better than losing.

Why? Because not because of like the great place you're going with this path like it's really funny. It's no different to the one of the great lessons I I've gotten so weird that there's a part of me now that wants me not to buy the Jets more than by the Jets I've seen this Evolution because I want to show the world how pumped I'm gonna be for Sarah McGee Who bought it and this is a brain but I'm starting I lived my whole life saying if I can show kids that you can go from not being able to afford a Jersey to buying the whole team I can help now I'm starting to believe when I show the grace and happiness for someone else's accomplishment at the expense of my lifelong dream and teach people that it was that the great enjoyment to try it that I could have a bigger impact than showing that you can do it that's winning in a different way in a very different way. And that's what happened with me with winning and losing I was I wasn't per se trying to listen again I'm not a robot. everyone's loaded with insecurity.

I'm insecurity with girls much more than business like nobody was scary to me to talk to a business but Pam Moses in high school like even though there was a clear indication that she had interest that was still like woo whereas I could have had a meeting with Bill Gates next day and be like I'll beat you right? So we all have our places right of insecurity things of that nature. but like you know when you're five like there was just such a like I love competition and I'd prefer to win right and I prefer to win I did not have a relationship with it from three to four to twelve now. I One thing I loved and I'm watching a lot of kids now because I have kids growing up. Here's where I get interested in tenacity and self-esteem I would lose and I liked it so there's some you want a dark side.

I Like losing I might have cried and been pissed and wanted to do something about it, but I wanted to play again. There was almost this weird enjoyment of losing more than winning as a matter of fact, I cheered for four teams growing up as religious as I am about the Jets, the New York Yankees, the New York Rangers, the New York Knicks and the New York Jets. To this day, I am so wildly weirded out by the fact that I love the New York Rangers and the Yankees as much as I like the Jets. but the Rangers won the Stanley Cup in 1994 and the Yankees won the World Series in 1996 and the next day I stopped following them for real.

No, I didn't It wasn't a plan I was 18 years old when the Rangers won the cup I didn't think of it as like the thing I wanted to do I literally woke up that next September October when the hockey season started and I didn't want to watch Why? Uh, this is now at 47 I Believe it's my addiction is the process and the game, not the thing. And where did that? You're clearly a unique, standout person that loves to win. Where did that like it was there an early moment where that was reinforced that winning is great Gary No as a matter of fact, it was like not even like talked. You know this is why the 80s were epic.

and more importantly, I'm joking. This is why my mom was that big. It wasn't like she was like you have, like there was no talk of that. it was just pure.

DNA I'm massively competitive I like it I like the game My brother has it. my dad has it like we're competitive I think it manifests in different people but it wasn't reinforced, it just was like innate and I really like where I have it now at 47 which is like I've learned how to deal with the fact that I'm not the best at everything. That's what life taught me through the years. Um, but I really like trying I Thought about this yesterday on a random thing I Must have saw something on social.

my favorite thing. One of my favorite weird tiny things that I know is going to resonate with two percent of this audience. But please hit me up because I want to get to know you when I'm on a pickup basketball team of random people like Friends Play Pickup basketball Five on five College High School your buddies get together when our team gets smoked like 11-3 in the first game, the second that 11th Point goes in I get so hyped when you get smoked 11 Nothing 11-1 as you you know I Don't you play basketball at all? No, we play pick up something I Know football yeah in basketball and this may resonate in other sports. Cricket if you're listening in India Football around the world when we get smoked where it's very obvious to everybody that four of the five best players are on one team and that's why the score was eleven to one.

Everyone's natural inkling is to like let's reshoot for new teams. Mine is this deep excitement to get the other four people together looking at everybody's face and say guys, we're like immediately I'm like we're not shooting for new teams, let's run it back and then huddle and I look at everybody's eyes I'm like my friends, we're gonna win this game because we're gonna outwill them. Even though they are dramatically more talented, we're gonna out think them and most importantly, we're gonna outwill them. and when that happens Because By the way, 70, it doesn't happen.

The talent is just too great and unfortunately we also found somebody on the other side who's talented and has will. But the feeling when you know that you are dramatically inferior and you get a group together and you out accomplish them predominantly on will with a mix of strategy. There's something there that just gets the hairs on the back of my neck up. Is winning associated with your own sense of self-esteem Definitely not.

one of the things that makes me so happy is here's a great indication: I Didn't know that until probably the last five years. This is the truest statement I Will say on this podcast my professional success has no currency with my heart and soul. This is where my life got really crazy. You know you know this.

You're going through an introspective moment clearing your late 20s like it's clear. So this is like fun for me to tell you I'm like really in the zone I feel like we're sitting and just like, you know, having a drink when I realized somewhere about five or six years ago. Oh none of my professional accolades net worth exits followers Awards Even things like being on the board of Charity water and pencils like even when I was getting admiration for like when I realized none. None of my professional successes make me think it's a reflection of me or is an indicator for me or is a barometer of self-worth it took I was already flying.

it took me to the Stratosphere My entire self-worth is wrapped up in the middle of this podcast when I looked at you and said you know my entire self-worth is 100 predicated on people knowing the truth of how I've interacted with them. What does that matter I have a deep love for human beings I love them. For example, back to being a little transparent I'm a little weird with animals I have a little bit of a level of resentment towards animals. This is something my inner circle knows.

You know we joke. I Don't hate dogs I Do hate that humans default into loving dogs with all their heart and don't do that to each other. You struggle with that I Got so damn lucky Steve I came out the womb. My mom talks about this a lot.

you know who. I was in the playground at three years old when we first moved to America like immediately running to all the 80 year olds and schmoozing with them. you're four you didn't read Malcolm Gladwell you didn't listen to Garyvee you're four I'm four years old and I'm going out with my Jessica Shaya my grandfather Shia and I'm gabbing it up with the 82 year olds and like desperately trying to make them laugh and smile because a lot of them came from Russia and were sourpussed in the last stage of their life. America was up when we all got here.

It was a real recession in the Carter years. Queens was Queens back then not like in his net like it was and like I had a deep need to make these 85 year olds smile for a second because they weren't smiling the rest of the day. It's who the I am Whenever I've observed you, especially in the pre-pandemic times where you were flying all over the world and talking in every corner of the world. you were on some other yeah and I was to somebody too I remember I lived in New York but I was traveling 50 weeks a year.

Yeah, but you were on some like other other I was looking at you thinking that's the only guy that's at work in me Yeah and I'm thinking this dude has a family Yes I was a single dude living in a studio apartment and you know I get that, but you were. So the question which I'm sure you've had level at you and ever again is what's the cost there. There's cost. There's cost to everything.

But one thing I did extremely well was and I still do this well. um is I over communicate things that I think bring value to people and I don't comm